Happy New Year

Wow, I skipped all of December.  I've never done that before.  The holiday blues continued, and I just didn't feel like writing I suppose.

Christmas was nice.  Spent time with family and some friends who were in town.  New Year's was rough.  My plans fell through, so I spent the night at home drinking an entire bottle of champagne by myself.  Then drank some wine.  I was sad.

I made some absolutely amazing Christmas cookies.  Snickerdoodles.  Brownie cookies. White chocolate chip/oatmeal/cranberry/pistachio cookies.  Amazing shit.

My biological father called Christmas evening during dinner and left a message.  I called him back a couple of days later, then again New Year's Eve but haven't gotten him yet.  The last time he called was Christmas 2011.

The roommate moved out a few weeks ago, and I'm on the lookout for a new one again.  I really like living alone and wish I could afford it by myself.  Oh well.  I hope the next person and I relate a little better.  I always felt awkward around the old one.

Got a professional bra fitting a few weeks ago.  I thought I was a D cup.  Nope.  Apparently I wear an F or a G, depending on the bra.  That absolutely blows my mind.

I'm going to start another Whole30 this week.  Ready to lose more weight and hoping to lose more than last time since I'm going to the gym now.  I've had a couple of people recently say they could tell I've lost some weight, so I'm motivated to see more results.  I'm ready to be happy with what I see in the mirror.

Been doing some serious flirting with Dakota Guy.  He said recently that we could be a possibility in his mind now.  Nothing other than talk is happening so far.  No plans have been set in motion.  I don't know if he's serious or not.  I figure since no one else is interested right now, I'll just keep working on me for the time being.  When I've lost the weight I want and feel comfortable with myself again, I'll see where he stands.  If he's not fully in it I'll move on.  I think that's a good plan.

I had my second back injection last month, and it was even worse than the first one.  I guess the doctor got the medicine right to the nerve because when he injected it my leg felt like it was set on fire.  Sharp pain shot down, and I cried out.  It was so embarrassing.  But he said it could be a good thing since that didn't happen the first time and I didn't feel much better after it.  And it has been feeling better this time around, so maybe he's right.

I'm thinking about getting back on anti-depressants.  Things have been really hard lately, but I don't know if it's just because of the holidays.  I might give it another month or so and reevaluate.  I'm just tired of being sad.

Cookies and Conundrums

The mix-up

I just made some cookies. They didn’t turn out too great. I’m better at cakes and brownie pudding. I was originally going to halve the recipe, but I’ve been a bit spacey today and ended up halving some of the ingredients but not others and had to make the whole batch. And somehow I added balsamic vinegar?!? I figured a little more sugar might counteract it, so in went some more of that. The first third into the oven were very thin and flat, the second oddly shaped and a little over done, and the final dozen were damn near perfect. They all taste good though.

The husband and the roommate are gone, so I got to fail at these cookies in peace. They’ll eat them when they get home no matter what they look like. Well, the roommate will. The husband and I are starting to try to eat better, so he may wag a finger at first, then eat one or two.

I bake when I’m stressed. The uncertainty about everything continues, and I don’t know how to get past it. I know what’s needed of me but I can’t bring myself to do it. I guess I’m still waiting for the ultimate to happen so I may justify not doing it a little more. Will that really work though? Is the ultimate destined to happen? If so, is it anytime soon? Would it be justification anyway?

Ugh… I ate too much cookie dough.