An Auntie Again

My very best friend in the whole world is pregnant.  She texted me Monday asking me to call her after work, which she never does.  That got me wondering since I knew they'd been trying.  And sure enough.  They'd been trying maybe 8 months, and she'd been a little worried.  But what do you know?!  The very month she quit worrying about it, it happened and she's absolutely sure that had everything to do with it.  I doubt it.  Her sister said that when she got preggo too, so I'm sure that makes it true.  Yes, I'm a little jealous and was bitter, but I'm *mostly* over that now.  I sent her flowers like I did for her sister.  I love them and am very happy to have another niece/nephew on the way.  I guess it just brought up some old feelings.

But, on the bright side, things with the boyfriend are going crazy well.  I know it's early but I always do things fast in this department, and when I fall, it's fast and hard.  I could totally see myself making a life with this guy.

Going Steady

So that fish and I are now dating exclusively, and it's pretty awesome.  Every spare minute we have is spent together.  We take turns cooking for each other and actually went grocery shopping together yesterday.  It all feels so normal.  It feels right with him.  Made it "facebook official" today too.  Feels so teenager-ish, but feels nice too.

I know it's early and I'm definitely keeping a level head about it all, but I really hope things work out with him.  He's just what I've been looking for and would be a great father.  He even wants to have kids sooner rather than later since he's a bit older.  Fine by me!!  He knows about the endo and isn't freaked by any of it.  I told him some of the embarrassing parts of it, and he said how it's a part of me and that's what he's interested in.  How sweet.

Plus he totally knows what he's doing in the bedroom and isn't shy about it.  This is gonna be fun. ;)

I got a fish!

So that new guy I was talking about... we're totally hitting it off.  In fact, things have happened pretty fast.  We had our first date on Friday.  When it got really late and neither of us wanted to part, we ended up going back to his place for drinks, music and more getting to know each other.  After a while he made his move, and we were making out like crazy.  I ended up staying the night and it was so nice.  Didn't have sex, but we cuddled all night.  We stayed in bed for almost two hours the next morning just talking.  Then he made me coffee.  Last night we went out for dinner again then back to his place for a couple of movies.  It was pretty awesome.

I really like this guy.  We have many of the same views and agree on a lot.  And how about he lives right across the street from my parents, which also happens to be about two minutes down the road from me?!  Craziness.

The only thing that bothers me is how fast we're moving.  I really wasn't expecting to feel so comfortable with him so quickly.  It also scares me that I'm not totally over my ex.  I really don't want to hurt this guy.

I sure don't write much lately...

It seems like a lot has happened in a week.  I got really upset over the ex last weekend and decided to get out of town to visit some friends for a night, and it was actually pretty nice.  After I vented about all I was feeling I didn't think about any of it again until later the next day.  We went to a couple of bars downtown Saturday night, and I remembered how much I don't care for a city atmosphere.

I started talking to a new guy a few days ago.  He's a little older and seems to have his act together.  We'll see how this goes.

Got another FutureMe letter yesterday from a little over a year and a half ago when I was in Mississippi.  I had just found out about the endo and gone back on birth control.  It ended with "Hope you're doing better in the future."  That really got me thinking.  Am I better now?  I actually remember the night I wrote that one.  My emotions were all over the place.  Has that part changed?  I like to think I've got a little more control over them now.  Otherwise, I'm not sure if things are better, but they are definitely different.  Life has changed sooo much, it's crazy.  You never end up where you think you will.

Water, water everywhere...

I emailed some with the ex today.  I may have freaked him out.  Made me sad because I miss him so.

Got flowers this afternoon from someone who shouldn't be bringing me flowers.  Made me sad because I really liked him, but it wouldn't work between us.

Went out with the boy last weekend and had a fantastic evening of easily-flowing conversation.  Made me sad for the same reason, but he's the one that ended things.

Why is nothing working out?  Like, at all?  Not one damn drop to drink!

Crash. Boom. Bang.

About as quickly as the idea was put forth, it is now over.  The ex and I are no longer a possibility.  Told you we move fast.

He got a job offer and doesn't want to move from where he is now for the next few years.  I have no desire to move from where I am, so we're not gonna happen.  Part of me is so very happy for him... it's a huge opportunity.  Part of me thinks if he really wanted to be with me then that would be the priority. 

It was only for a couple of days, but I had let myself start to get my hopes up.  Kinda feels like I'm getting dumped all over again.

Ready to love again?

When the ex and I were together, we followed up on major life choices pretty fast.  Once we made our minds up about something we just went ahead and got the ball rolling.  No use in waiting.  Well, we talked the other day, and he wants to try to work things out between us and ultimately get back together.  Those were the words I'd been waiting over a year to hear.  I really didn't think they'd ever come, so I hadn't really thought about what I might say if they did.

I've decided that I'm open to it.  I know I still love him, but can I fall in love with him again?  Can I learn to trust again?  Can I accept that it's possible I may get my heart broken once more?  Can I let go of that fear and fully embrace the possibility that we could live happily ever after?

I knew there was no chance of even possibly starting to make any kind of real decision without us meeting face to face, so we decided to try to do that next month.  The only problem with that is that I'm ready to pull an us and go ahead and do it.  It's driving me nuts knowing that it's going to be a month before it happens.  I'm not so good with waiting.

Turn, turn, turn, turning me on...

I think I know why I'm so in love with Matt Nathanson's music... a lot of his songs are pure sex.  They're so visual and sensual and make me yearn.  The way he wriggles and writhes while he's performing drives me crazy.  Have you seen the various videos for "Run"?  He and Jennifer Nettles have some serious on-stage chemistry.  I deeply regret not seeing them in Nashville when they were touring together last year... I bet it was an amazing performance.

I want that passion.  I need that in a relationship.  I want a man who wants it as much as I do.  I want to touch, to be touched out of pure desire.  I want a man who I can have that with for a lifetime.

I must be going through my cliched "bad boy" phase right now, because I only feel that desire with them.  And they're freakin married, so I can't act on it.  They're not of the highest morals anyway (I guess that's why I call them "bad boys"?), so it's not like I could have actually made a life with either one even if they were single.

Okay, time to find another nice boy who's a sexual freak behind closed doors.  Can you list that on a dating site?  Looking for:  "Nice guy who wants to get busy all the time."

Shocking News!

I'm all confused, what's new?  I have good days, then I have bad days.  But that's normal, right?  I have days where I'm satisfied then ones where I'm a freakin mess.  I have a day where I talk to the ex on the phone for the first time and it's really great, then I can't get him out of my mind the next.  I miss him, and that leads to a day when all I want is one of the married dudes, but I know that's not gonna happen.  My libido's all back and wanting action now, telling me to go for it, but I won't.

At least I'm not feeling sick this month.  *knock on wood*  Cramps have been building for the past two weeks and they're scheduled to hit in full force tomorrow.  Something to look forward to.

Went on a friendly lunch date with an incredibly dull friend from high school.  He laughed so much at his own memories, he had a hard time telling them as stories.  They weren't really that funny for someone who wasn't there anyway.  At least the food was good, and I got to watch the cute sushi chef.

I'm obsessed with games with friends on my phone now.  Especially Draw Something.  Have quite a few games going and just hit the hundred mark with some random guy from Ontario.  It's pretty awesome.  Obsessed with Pinterest too... need I say more?

Isn't this entry just the best?  Chock-full of interesting stuff.