I killed my marriage, I know I did. I didn't pull the trigger or put the final nail in the coffin, but I had a big hand in it. I put too much on him. I wanted too much out of him. I was too dependent on him. I wish I'd had more self confidence. I wish I hadn't been so depressed. There's a lot I wish he'd done differently too, by I've already shared my thoughts on that a few times.
A group of us were talking at work this morning about marriages and the things that do and don't work in them. I did all the don'ts. I got my self worth from being with him. I wanted us to be each other's everything and that be enough. Even though I knew it was totally ridiculous, I got jealous when he wanted to do something on his own or hang out with his friends without me. I was scared to upset him. I was scared to say what I needed to half the time.
Because I didn't want him to leave me.
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
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