I just wrote a FutureMe letter. The first one in a long time. I couldn't figure out why I hadn't really wanted to write any for a long while until the other day. I got one from a much younger and naive version of myself. She was happily married and had just started trying to get pregnant. She was hopeful and spouted out all the cliche "it'll happen when it's meant to" and "there's always adoption if it doesn't". What the hell was I thinking?? I hate when people say that to me now, haha.
I've gotten a few like that recently. I wrote a lot of them back when I was married and so happy, spitting out positivity left and right. No reason not to back then, but I won't lie... even today they're still a little hard to read. I think I've been scared to write about how happy I am now and potentially cause pain to my future self should things with the boyfriend not work out. Because as I've learned the hard way, no matter how certain you may think you are of something, it can all change very quickly.
We've been on and off for almost two years, and he's now the most important part of my life. He and I actually had a big misunderstanding this past weekend, and for a few hours I thought we might be over. Those hours of anger and disbelief absolutely killed me. I did not want to imagine a life without him, but that was all I could think about. I was so scared that I was going to have to go through all that hurt again.
So, I'm very happy to report that our misunderstanding was actually just that and not based on any kind of truth whatsoever. We got through it very quickly once we were actually able to address the supposed issue, and once again we came out on the other side stronger and happier. I love when that happens!
Over the past few weeks, we've been seriously thinking about and starting to plan our immediate (well, later this year) future. He'll be moving back in with me this summer, which is when he hopefully will officially propose. We're planning on getting married in late fall and taking a fabulous honeymoon to somewhere tropical. And sometime after that should be the resurrection of what I call the two pink lines trek! I haven't looked forward to anything this much in a very long time. What a fantastic year this should be.
I'm so freakin excited!
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
So, tell me about your "future me" letters? I'm really curious.
ReplyDeleteA few weeks ago, when we found out we were pregnant (again), I told my friend I was struggling with how to feel about it. I wanted input from the future me. I wanted to know if I would get to keep this baby, and so I should just relax and be excited? Or if this one would end too soon.
Future me just ended up being 1 week out. It was another miscarriage. Again, far too early in my opinion.
It sure is hard not knowing the future.
FutureMe is a pretty wonderful webiste... http://www.futureme.org/ You write letters to yourself in the future and pick what date however far out you want it to be emailed to you. I've done some from just a few months out to several decades.
DeleteSometimes I wish we could write letters to ourselves in the past. Tell ourselves things we wished we'd known back then. Probably nothing specific, but more like advice and reassurance. Maybe some day, haha!