Dumped

My heart is breaking again.  The boyfriend and I have broken up.  He'd been acting weird lately, but I thought it was from all the long hours he'd been working or still being weird from my surgery.  But apparently not.  He said he hasn't been happy.  That our relationship doesn't feel right anymore.  He swore up and down that it has nothing to do with me.  He still loves me and thinks I'm great, but he doesn't want what I want.  He doesn't want to have kids.  He's not sure if he really wants to settle down at all.  He hates living in the South.  Since he was doing the whole "It's not you, it's me" routine, I asked him several times if he was being honest with me, and he said he was.  He kept saying I'm the nicest person he's ever known and he hates that he's wasted my time.  I guess I'm choosing to believe him.

He's got nowhere to go right now, so he'll still be living with me for a couple of months.  It was so hard breaking up late last night then trying to go to sleep next to him, although he did move to the couch later.  And forget sleep... it was nearing 3am before I drifted off with a major headache.  I had held my tears back pretty well, but I needed to be alone to do some obligatory sobbing.  That's what I'm doing on and off this morning now that he's gone to work.  I just can't believe this is happening.  We were coming up on our three year anniversary.  I guess that's my magical relationship number now.  
 
He may or may not be able to take what is technically his dog, although we got him together.  I can't imagine saying goodbye to that dog, I love him so much.  I don't want to say goodbye to either of them.  I'd been questioning our relationship lately too, but I was feeding off of how distant he'd become.  He hadn't really been affectionate at all, and we weren't talking much.  I really thought it was a phase that we would work through like we have before, but apparently this has been coming for awhile.  He didn't want "to be an asshole" and do it when my stepdad got sick, and then I had surgery.  I'm glad he did it a week before I have to go back to work so I'm not a fresh wreck there. 

I can't believe I have to go through this again.  I had found my partner.  I was ready.  I was starting to plan a wedding and now I'm starting all over.  I'm 32 and single again. What the fuck, life?!

I'm never going to have a baby.