I'm Blue

Blah.

All I want to do is eat chocolate chip muffins.

I'm a big ol downer in all of my buddy groups lately.  I wouldn't want to talk to me.

I wrote my response letter to my estranged father yesterday.  I told him to call me whenever he wants, and I'm pretty sure he will, and I don't know how I feel about that.

I've been trying to put a lot into Endometriosis Awareness Month, and so all I think about is the status of my insides.  I keep wondering if we'll be able to have children.  I know we're still early in the journey, but my mind keeps going to worst possible situations.  I have this recurring nightmare daydream where I go in for a lap and wake up with no uterus.  Totally not logical, but I keep freaking out about it.

I'm nervous about the results of the progesterone test I had yesterday.  I'm sure it'll come back fine, but again, nightmare daydream that it shows I didn't ovulate and the doctor orders a lap because she thinks my ovaries are damaged.

What if I really do end up needing to have a lap?  It's the price of a freakin new car... how would we ever be able to do that?

Geez... why do you read my blog lately?  I mean really, what a wet blanket.  Thanks for sticking around if you actually do.  It'll get a little more positive again soon hopefully.