It figures now that we're splitting up in a few weeks we finally start really talking. We've been getting along better lately, and I've gotten the guts to call him out on some of his crap. Turns out that's "just his personality", which I've always kinda known I suppose. I think that because he's not very affectionate I've taken it as that he didn't care. Maybe because I love touching and showing affection, I just don't get it when guys don't reciprocate and I've taken his "crap" too personally.
There are other things about him (and me) and differences in our beliefs that make us incompatible, but I am going to miss him. I'm already kinda sad about leaving him soon. I actually keep tearing up when I think about it (great... crying over two boys now!). I'm sure it's just because I've gotten comfortable with our routine and have mostly enjoyed living with him. And I'm scared of the upcoming change and being alone again. But still, I hope he and I can remain friendly. We have been talking about getting together for puppy playdates.
I really wish we could have worked out. Part of my brain keeps trying to convince me that we still could, but that's got to be my fear talking. He doesn't want to stay around this part of the country, but I do. He's not affectionate, and I really need that to feel secure in a relationship. And other quirks that make us just not mesh completely together. And that's too bad because we really do get along well most of the time. But just getting along isn't enough for a life long relationship. And I really do need the closeness and intimacy (physical and emotional) to feel fulfilled.
Even though we're not right for each other, I'm really going to miss him. My heart aches right now, but what else is new? Does it ever get any easier?
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
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