Gathering moss over here...

Hello all.  Happy New Year.  A little late, but that's how I roll here lately.  Once again I feel like life has been stalled.  So many things I want to do, but I have to wait.  I want to get married, but I have to wait.  I want to try to get pregnant, but I have to wait.  I want to go to the gym and physically feel better, but I have to wait.

Second back surgery is scheduled for next month... the day before my birthday to be exact.  Hopefully I'll be getting out of the hospital the day I ring in my 32nd year.  So I'm waiting another month for that.  Then after I'll wait many months more... to heal, to be able to effectively exercise, to start that two pink lines trek again.

And I'm still waiting for an official proposal.  Part of me is thinking that if he really wanted to propose he would have by now.  I mean, seriously.  We started talking about this over a year ago.  I had my ring setting (we've already got the main stone) picked out seven months ago, and it's not expensive.  Then the logical part of me kicks in pointing out yet again how tight money really has been.  But how long has a girl got to wait?!

I've been in yet another funk for a while lately, and I'm tired of waiting for it to end.  I think all of the above plus a little more and just worrying about it has dragged me down here.  I considered taking anti-depressants again, but I keep telling myself I can get out of this without pharmaceutical help.

I've thought maybe getting creative somehow and physically making something could help and I've been antsy trying to decide on something.  Whenever (if ever) we do get married, a lot of the wedding and reception will have to be DIY, and I'd really like to start on it.  But I have to wait for the proposal and setting a date to decide on themes and colors and what exactly I want to make.  I asked him a little while ago if he'd thought of when he would like to have the wedding.  In true male fashion he said, "I'm thinking May."  So, four months?  Sure, that's totally doable.  *sigh*  I'll be lucky to even have the first ring on my finger by then.

I'm just bitching and moaning again.  I feel like that's all I do.  But again, this is where I come to do it, and the loving internet gets to enjoy it.  Joking aside, it is nice to have this place to vent knowing no one I know is actually reading.