Stacking Up

Yesterday was a tough day.  It started out with me going over to my parents' house.  My step-dad is still in very bad condition, and as awful as it sounds, the truth is we're just kind of waiting for him to pass on.  I hate saying that, but it's been the reality for the past month.  Every day he loses weight and strength.  He's on so much pain medication that he's out of touch with reality most of the time.  It is heartbreaking to see him like this.  And for so long.  We really didn't think he'd hold on this long.  I've seen him like that so much recently, but for some reason yesterday it really bothered me.  Maybe because he seemed a little worse.  I don't know.

While I was there I learned that the girl I wrote about a few months ago passed away.  I hadn't heard much lately, but I knew she was bad off.  She'd been in a medically induced coma for a long while, and when they woke her up, she only had basic functions.  I don't think she was really there.  I don't know the circumstances, but she died yesterday I believe.  Her baby girl who was born at 26 weeks is now about four months old and doing well.  She went home a few weeks ago.

Within twenty minutes of learning that, I heard the news reporting of Leonard Nimoy's passing from end-stage COPD, what my step-dad is battling.  It's all so sad.

Then I went grocery shopping and was off the whole time.  Just sad I guess.  After that I headed home and played with the pets for awhile.  Then I got a phone call.  It was from my boss telling me that she had been fired.  She told me how it went down and then dropped a bomb... they had probably already replaced her.  And it wasn't me.  Which, now that I've had time to process, is really okay.

Knowing that this might happen, I've gone back and forth over the past year with what I would say if offered the job.  I didn't really want to be manager because of the extra stress, but if offered I probably would have said yes.  It would have been a good opportunity for my career and it would have been more money.

I can see why they didn't ask me.  I've had three surgeries in the past nine months which have had me out of work for the equivalent of three months.  Physically I can't do as much as I used to.  They know I want to get pregnant.  And to be honest, they know my passive personality.  Maybe they didn't think I could handle it.

On the other hand, I'm pissed.  I'm probably the most loyal and reliable person there.  I'm on time, if not early, every single day which pretty much no one else is, including the previous manager and the new one.  I don't call out.  I don't gossip or start shit.  I'm friendly to every person that walks in the door, and the customers love me.

But what I'm really pissed about is how they handled it, or didn't handle it.  I got a call from my old boss, and that was it.  She told me who she thought they had replaced her with, but I officially learned it when the new one posted it on Facebook.  Are you freakin kidding me?!  As long as I've worked there as assistant manager and as dedicated as I've been to that place, I really thought I would at least get a phone call from one of the higher ups.  They had to have known that I would feel at least a little slighted, right?  I believe at least a phone call with a little heads up was warranted.  Maybe Monday.

In the moment when it happened I was angry, and I guess I still am a little.  I immediately felt disrespected and undervalued.  About a year ago the "grapevine" said that they wanted me to be manager, and I suppose I'd been holding on to that.  I guess I've learned my lesson there.

I'm not going to enjoy working under a girl younger than myself who I actually trained years ago.  Knowing her personality, I'm not sure how it's going to go, but it should be interesting.  I don't start back for a week and a half, and I really wish I could be there when she starts Monday to see how she slips into it.  I'm afraid she's going to get all cozy with my temporary replacement and I'm going to be on the outside when I go back.  I'm wondering how she'll act towards me because I know that business and the day-to-day operations inside and out.  My old boss and I had good working chemistry, and I wonder if we'll develop that.  Whatever happens, I'll just have to deal with it.

In the long run it really is okay.  Deep down I didn't want that job.  I can still go in, do a good day's work and go home leaving the day behind me.  I won't have to worry about the business, the hiring/firing, the drama with the employees or angry clients.

And now that I've bitched and gotten it all out here, I feel so much better!