I was thinking about what I said in my last post about not being sure why I get upset when people say "Don't worry, it'll happen for you." I figure it's gotta be a defense mechanism of some sort. Call it being realistic or preparing for the worst so I'm not as disappointed. So if it actually doesn't happen, I'm not in as much shock as I would be otherwise. Maybe?
I guess it's close to the same reason I started saying I was 30 not long after I turned 29... just to mentally prepare myself for it. Because honestly? I'm not looking forward to it. I wanted to be so much further along with my life. I wanted to be a young(er) mother with a house full of little ones by early thirties. Now it'll be early thirties before I even get to start trying.
Funny how the plans you have for your life never really work out the way you think they will.
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
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