...and then leave behind a beautiful sky once it passed.
We headed back to her place when it got dark to make dinner with her hubby and ended up talking and drinking until midnight. The next morning she and I went to breakfast and talked more. There's always a lot to catch up on when you only see each other a few times a year.
Afterward I got in my car and was getting music and such set up for the next stretch of driving to Charlotte. I always look forward to cranking the music and singing very loudly and badly... that's why I love road trips. I was just about situated when my phone alerted me to a new email, and I figured I'd check it before I hit the road. It was from my former father-in-law. I was pretty shocked because I hadn't heard from him in almost two years and wasn't really sure why he would be contacting me.
Things between he and I ended kinda weird. I had emailed him when the ex and I were separated to kind of tell my side of things. I said the ex and I both had our problems, but he was the one to end the relationship while I still wanted to try to work it out. Apparently that's not what he had heard. Anyways, I had emailed him back saying if he had anything negative to say that I didn't want to hear it. I was still hurting and every day was a struggle. He simply replied that that was fair, so I assumed he'd had some not so great things to say to me. And that was the last I'd heard from him two years ago.
Against my better judgement I read his new email right then. In it he said he'd been talking to his wife and discussing their children and prayers. He wanted me to know that they still include me in their prayers and "still have good feelings" towards me and my parents. And that he thought I'd like to know that.
Right there in the breakfast diner parking lot, I lost it. I thought I'd come to terms with his dad and had let him go, but he still affects me apparently. At first I thought the message was pretty nice, but then I did the girl thing and over analyzed it. All I could think was, "DAMN RIGHT you better still have good feelings towards me! It was YOUR SON who gave up, broke his vows and my heart!!" I kept wondering what it was that the ex actually told his father back then, and it was all I could do not to ask him right then and there. I actually typed out the message to the ex but ended up deleting it. I told myself it would do absolutely no good and wouldn't change anything, so there was no point. I've just got to accept it, come to terms with it and let it go. I did the best I could do at the time with that situation, and now I've got to drop it. (After I vent about it here of course.)
I am now with a cooler head choosing to believe that his message really was him trying to reach out with kindness. At his core, I do believe that's who he is even though we didn't always see eye to eye. I replied to him later that day with "I appreciate that and hope you and your family are well."
Anyways, the first part of my drive was full of tears and very little singing. Every song took me right back there, and it's hard to sing and let go of your worries with a cracked voice. It didn't help that there was road construction going on almost the entire drive... not conducive to any of it.
That was half the journey. The second half will have to wait because it's time to get ready for my professional massages now! :)
No comments:
Post a Comment