What's a Soul Mate?

This morning I've found myself repeatedly asking the same question... does it ever get any easier?  Life, love, etc.  Last night I babysat my niece and found a girl I didn't really recognize.  She's about a year and a half old now and has entered the "Mine!" phase.  She kept snatching books out of my hand and then trying to tease me with them.  She threw bath toys at me from out of the tub.  I hadn't really seen her like that before, and it was a little unsettling.  Made me scared to have kids.  Then she turned into the sweetest child and fell asleep on my chest.  I was so happy and sad at the same time.

Yesterday morning a new co-worker and I got to know each other a little better.  We talked about our pasts and eventually she asked why my marriage ended.  I ended up telling that story with welled eyes again.  It never gets easier, and I always tear up.  It still hurts.  She talked about her past relationships and how she's been cheated on multiple times.  She's been married and a Marine wife for six months now, and her husband is set to go off for more training in a couple of months.  She's terrified he's going to be tempted while away, and this relationship will end the same as her others.  I mentioned how I'm scared I'm going to fall hard again for a guy it seems totally right with, then he's going to change his mind and forget his promises.  How do you let go of the fear?  I told her to do her best to trust in the love they share.  Will I ever be able to fully trust a love like that again?

Among many other things, we also talked about being nervous about motherhood.  She has PCOS and is scared she'll have trouble getting pregnant.  She spoke of how she wonders if she'd even be a good mother.  I said how I have the same fears.  I really do wonder sometimes.

When I was at the medical trial place I ended up quitting because the ex and I were going to start trying again.  One lady there pretty much told me that mothers that struggle with depression and the like aren't always the best.  Kinda harsh.  She even said "I'm not saying you'd be a bad mother," although it seemed she was heavily hinting at it.  I'm always scared I would emotionally damage a kid.  Or end up not knowing how to handle him/her and turn them into a "spoiled brat".

Last night I tried to figure out the best way to go about handling my niece's attitude.  I stayed calm.  I told her "No, that's not nice" multiple times and ended up taking away everything she kept trying to throw.  I distracted her with other things and activities, and that seemed to work.  It kinda seemed like a test.  Maybe I could do it.  Maybe I could raise a decent kid.

Babysitting duty wasn't over until after midnight, so I just stayed over.  I came home this morning, and once again the fella acted like he could care less.  He asked how it went and everything, but no greeting hug or kiss.  I ended up watching a movie, and at the end he sat down at the farthest end of the couch and played a game on his phone.  The end of the rom com had a speech about fighting for your soul mate and doing everything in your power to not let them get away.  I remembered telling the ex how I was going to fight for him, and he simply replied that his feelings hadn't changed.  I was scared to fight with him and I guess I gave up.  I guess he wasn't my soul mate.

Are those things real anyway?