Do you see those spots?

I had to go to see a doctor today.  The kind you see when you're sick, not a lady doctor.  I'd forgotten what that was like.  They didn't ask me the date of my LMP.  They didn't ask me when I took my last BCP.  I purposely didn't ask my mother to go back with me just in case they asked if it's possible I could be pregnant.  I would have loved the company while waiting, but I didn't want her to know I'm having sex.  (How old am I?)  Anyways, like I thought, it's the flu.  I'm not sure I've ever had the flu, so I figured I'd try to ride it out, but after three agonizing days in bed, I couldn't take it anymore.  Now I'm all for staying in bed on a lazy Sunday when you've got nothing better to do, but this has been pushing it.  I don't think I've ever felt this weak or achy.  Even just lying in bed hurts.

But all that bed rest has made plenty of time for thinking, and this is what has been at the forefront.  Hopefully it wasn't all the fever talking...

It's interesting to see just how much life can change in the span of a year.  I got another FutureMe letter this week written December 31, 2010.  It described how life was at that moment and the plans the ex and I had been making for the coming months.  It described him coming home after the first post-Christmas work shift saying how much he wanted a family with me.  It described our plans for battling the endo.  It said how much I loved my husband and what a great father I thought he would be.

Now, a year later, I'm wondering if I'll find another marriage-worthy fella anytime soon.  If not, I know I would have no qualms having a little one on my own.  After I get myself financially stable that is.  I have a fantastic support system and I know he or she would grow up feeling loved and important.

I find myself wanting to get semi-permanently settled.  I really want to buy a house and make it mine again.  I'm tired of renting.  Early nesting, maybe?

There was more, but vision is blurry now, so I think I shall retire back to boring bed.