Cross it off the list...

What a pretty damn near perfect weekend.  I got to do something I've always wanted to... I stayed in bed practically all day just because I could.  It was heaven.  Woke up late, dozed on and off, watched some movies and even a little football... Oh yeah, it totally didn't hurt that I got to cuddle close and, ahem, do some other things throughout the day with a certain boy "friend".  It was crazy fantastic.

Didn't get out of bed until about 7pm, and that was only to migrate to the living room couch to watch a really freakin scary movie.  (Scary movies aren't so bad anymore. ;) )  After that it was a little more football and back to bed.  Woke up late again this morning and lounged for awhile.  I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

Now I'm back at home, and it feels weird to be sleeping alone.  I really don't care for it much.

To sum up this fantastic weekend...

- Lots of drinking... tailgating, beer pong, $6.50 drinks in the stadium

- Panthers won!!

- Sunburned

- Favorite restaurant and then bar in my old neighborhood in Charlotte 

- Hit on by a lesbian

- Traded numbers with another lesbian... never been asked for my number in a bar before, so went with it.

- Inspired a revolution the whole bar got into

- "High fives save lives" - or not

- Tested out the door entry code to my old apartment building... it worked

- Shared a hotel bed and cuddled with someone new

- Woke up at 11am to *knock, knock* "Housekeeping", then "You leaving now or staying another night?" from a manager.

- Flirted and made new friends

It was a much needed weekend of relaxing and letting go :)

Weird Night

So, earlier this week I ventured into "friends with benefits" territory with someone.  Never been... thought I'd see how I like it there.  I'm not sure what to think.  Went to dinner and a movie tonight with him, some friends and some new people, and it was... weird.  Not sure how else to describe it.  It wasn't totally awkward, but it wasn't quite right either.  Maybe cause it was with people I hadn't met before first, and I just suck at that anyways.  I don't know.

What the hell am I doing?

I don't get it...

I hate freakin birth control.  Yes, I appreciate that it helps control some of the pain, but it confuses me.  Like, why am I still hurting and getting a ton of EWCM around mid-cycle?  Is that normal?  And why do my boobs hurt and swell for two full weeks from when I "ovulated" and then stop on the day AF arrives?  I had to buy a bigger bra just for those two weeks.

And I'm still spotting and cramping every. single. day.  What's the point?!

Umm...

Randomness is all I can get out right now...

I guess my decision to go public on facebook earlier this year about endo really did help spread some awareness.  Got a message today from an old high school friend's sister-in-law who has endo.  She doesn't really know anyone else with it, and the friend I haven't really talked to in ten years gave her my name.  Thought that was cool.

Got a haircut today.  Like an actual haircut, not just a trim.  This is the first time I've done that in a really, really long time.  It still sits below my shoulders, but it's definitely shorter and has a ton of freakin layers in it.  Haven't decided yet what I think about it.  Hopefully I won't regret it in the morning. 

Got to watch the first new episode of Dexter today!

I'm picking up extra hours at work this weekend to get a little OT to help pay for my fantastic trip next weekend.  Going to Charlotte to see another Carolina Panthers game!  I'm excited.  Gonna visit favorite places and tailgate with new friends.  And guess who's going...

The boy!  Who's definitely not freaking out anymore.  Who I definitely took some more positive steps with last night.  Who really seems to dig me as much as I do him.

I'm pretty happy right now.

Once Again

The boy is confusing me, but that's okay.  We took a couple of good steps forward yesterday, but he's the one doing the freaking out.  I really thought it would be me.  He's been hurt in the past and is convinced he's pretty much no good for anyone.  I tell him he's a gentleman, he insists he's an asshole.  He says he's terrible at relationships and makes it sound like any potential between us is doomed, but he says he wants us to give it a shot.  He's scared.  So am I.  I'm really looking forward to seeing how this all unfolds.  I really like him.

They say we're hard to figure out...

I think men will always be a mystery to me.  Had a third date yesterday and it ended with us both totally drunk in his bed.  And what happened??  Absolutely nothing.  All night long.  We stayed up until about 4am, and he didn't touch me once the entire night before or after we went to bed.  We had a great time talking, laughing, discussing politics and religion, playing cards, bonding over The Eagles and Fleetwood Mac.  We flirted and I sent very obvious signals, but he did nothing.  I could have tried to make the first move, but I really wanted him to.

Came back home this morning and talked to the roommate about it.  She's known him longer than I have and said that he is just the ultimate gentleman.  Which he is, and I really like that about him.  He makes mental notes of things I like and switches seats with me if I'm right under a vent in a restaurant.  He's genuinely trying to get to know me and even researched endometriosis today after asking me more about it last night.  He knows I'm still hurting from the divorce and is being very sensitive to that.

I think I may have found a good one.

You never really know someone...

My mom and I had a girls day out recently and got to reconnect.  It was really nice.  She ended up opening up about some things that I'm not sure what to think about right now.  Christmastime is our favorite time, and we went to the store that starts setting up crazy early.  She mentioned how my step-dad isn't crazy about the holiday and doesn't want to put a tree up this year.  She then said that she thinks his divorce from his first wife happened around that time of year.  Totally understandable reason, right?  NOOOO!

When they first met, he told my mom that his other wife had died from cervical cancer, and that's what we have believed this entire time!  WTF?!?  Mom didn't even hear the truth from him!  She learned about it when she was filing some social security paperwork for him a few years ago.  The person had asked her about his previous wife and gave her a crazy look when she said that she had died.  How awesome a way to find out is that?  Anyways, she wrote him a letter about that and some other things he'd said to her when they first got together, but they never talked about it.  So he knows that she knows, but they just ignore it.  Have for a few years now.  It absolutely breaks my heart that she's had to go through all this alone.

I just don't get it!  This man that is basically my father has been lying to us from the very beginning.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!?!

Whirlwind Week

It seems like sooo much has happened since my last post.  I'm now an auntie!  I'm now officially divorced!  I made it to a second date!

To start out with, a beautiful baby girl was born Saturday evening after a very long labor.  Her mother was exhausted, but powered through like a champ.  It was absolutely beautiful.  I was official videographer and also got a ton of pictures before, while and after the beauty was born.  What an amazing experience.  The instant bond between the three of them was incredible and makes me want to strive to get there even more now.

Next, I now have an ex-husband.  Sunday night I got tired of waiting to hear something and emailed his lawyer to see if I could get any info.  Less than a half hour later he responded that the divorce had been finalized on Friday.  Wow!  We went back and forth with some emails, then he said that the decision between him and the ex was that he would email him the paperwork and the ex would forward it to me.  Since the lawyer wasn't emailing them directly to me (although I'm not sure if he even could since he's not my lawyer), I assumed it meant that the ex had something to say to me.  Either a final goodbye, it was nice while it lasted or something like that.  That's what I was hoping anyway.  Nope.  Nada.  Just a "Sent from my iPhone".  I don't know why I really expected any differently from a man who said he wanted to go ahead with separation paperwork via text message.

But on a better note... I now know what an actual second date is like!  It's pretty nice.  I met a guy at our housewarming party and have gotten to hang out with him a few times since then.  One night he taught me some card games, and we flirted a little.  We ended up exchanging numbers a little after that, and I invited him out with some friends for 99-cent Monday Margaritas to "celebrate" the divorce.  We ended up making plans to meet at a bar a little later after I dropped a friend off.  At the end of the night he invited me to dinner the next night.  We went to one of my fav restaurants then to a bar for some dollar PBR.  Gotta love Monday and Tuesday night drink specials, although a White Russian and a Long Island may have found their way in there at some point.

We click pretty well and he's crazy easy to talk to.  He asked about my marriage and we talked about kids.  I didn't really want to explain what endo was on a first date and told him I'd spare him the awkwardness of it, but he seemed really concerned that some disease was making me hurt.  I told him, and he didn't act grossed out at all, just in awe of what happens to the female body sometimes.  Anyways, we're planning to see each other again this weekend!  :)