Overdue

... on quite a few things.  Firstly, here.  Almost a month again.  Geez.

On planning for retirement.  I adulted and started an IRA this morning.  I wanted to and should have set one up years ago, but could never really afford it.  I still can't, but a little something put towards it occasionally is better than nothing.  Yay.  I also attempted to adult again this week and applied for a debt consolidation loan.  Denied.  Can't win 'em all.

Not sure if I'm early, overdue or right on time for this next one.  I asked Dakota Guy again if he'd be interested in seeing if we could be an us.  That was Monday.  He's way overdue on answering.  I texted him the question, and he replied promptly asking if we could have a phone conversation about it soon.  Apparently our definitions of "soon" are slightly different.  We did finally agree to talk this weekend, but there are only about nine hours of that left.  He better get on the ball.  He kind of implied he wouldn't be saying no, but why the hold up?

Overdue on totally letting go of the ex-boyfriend.  He asked me out to dinner again last weekend, and I agreed to go hoping we could be actual friends.  The conversation was great and it was like old times.  Until the trip home.  I asked if we could go back to his place so I could see our old dog.  No.  He's seeing someone who is apparently living with him and he didn't tell her he was out with me.  He didn't learn a damn thing from our split even though he knew how much he hurt me.  I don't believe I'll be having any more dinners with him.

Finally got my oldest kitty to the vet for another dental cleaning.  It all went well, and no extractions were needed.  He came home smelling differently, and ever since my youngest cat has wanted nothing to do with him.  He goes about his business, and she'll hiss and growl at him.  Luckily she doesn't act on it, and he doesn't really pay her any mind.  It's so peculiar though.  It's been three days, and I wonder how much longer this will last.

Other updates...
- Roommate is in.  I rarely see him.
- Back and leg are still feeling decent.  Pretty excited about it.
- The diet is still going well.  Slowly but steadily losing more weight.

That's about it for now.  I'm sure there will be more soon if/when Dakota Guy answers me.  Whichever way it goes I'm sure I'll want to overthink it here.  Because that's what I do.

New Developments

First thing first... I have a new nephew!  My youngest "sister" had her first child, a boy, a little over a week ago.  He is gorgeous, and she is so happy!  They live very far away, and I have no idea when I'll get to see them but I can't wait to meet him!

I also have a new little one, but of the four-legged and furry variety.  This is my new kitten...

She's about seven weeks old and all of two pounds.  She was found by a co-worker's boyfriend under the hood of a car that had been driven to his shop to get worked on.  Luckily the person lived just down the street, and the three kittens inside weren't hurt at all.  I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her picture.  I've sworn up and down over the years that I would never have another kitten, but here she is.  My first cat was a little hellion as a wee one, and I've had no desire to go through that again.  But I've now got him all grown up and a dog to play with her, so I think it'll be okay.  Plus she already has the sweetest disposition I think I've ever seen in a kitten, so that's on her side too, haha.

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend's mother a little while ago, and apparently it freaked him the mess out.  Which I of course find hilarious.  She doesn't know that he cheated on me, and I guess he was afraid that I would tell her.  She told him about our lunch date a week before we actually met up, so he got to fret for a while.  He wanted to know all about it and texted me not even a few hours after the fact.  Of course I didn't tell her, but I do get a tiny bit of enjoyment from his freakout.

He's been texting me every so often, trying to remain friends.  He said the other day that he misses us (me and the pets) and thinks about us every day.  And that he knows how to ruin a good thing.  Of course I'm over thinking the fact that he said he misses us and not just me.  I know our pets were and still are a huge part of our lives, and he loves mine too.  But I'm wondering if he misses that part of the relationship, our life altogether, more than being with me.

Someone asked me out the other day.  Technically, he asked me to "hang out", but that's the same thing these days, right?  I hate dating.  He's currently out of town for work, but asked if I would be interested in meeting up with him when he gets back.  I said yes.  Not sure how I feel about it or him yet... I only met him once a couple of years ago.  But I guess it'll be good to get that first date back in the stupid game out of the way.  From all I've heard about him, he could be a really good guy, so who knows.

I'm still worried about my back.  It was feeling somewhat better, but this past weekend it started hurting really badly again.  But AF is in town, and it always hurts then, so I'll give it a little more time before I call the doc.  Oh, and I got the final bill for the endo surgery.  Yeah... I'm going to be paying medical debts for the rest of my life.  Le sigh.

Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that I got a new piercing about six weeks ago.  I'd been wanting a non-traditional ear piercing for a long time, but never could decide what.  Then one day I decided to do it and got my inner conch pierced.  I love it!

So, yeah.  Mostly good things lately.

I'm Scared...

I'm scared that I've fucked up my back once again.  I was at work yesterday when a call came from a client that his family's dog had died.  He was out of town, and his teenage son found the body.  The son was going to bring us to the dog to have cremated.  Our vet side is closed on the weekends and we're short-staffed right now, so it was only me and one other girl working.  So I picked up half of an 80+ pound dog.  And now my back fucking hurts.

I know I shouldn't have, but there really wasn't an alternative.  I wasn't going to ask a teenage boy to carry the dog he's had since he was two years old to the back of a kennel, put it in a bag, and put it in a freezer.  No one should have to do that to their family pet.  That's what we do.  The surgeon gave me the all clear a few weeks ago and said I had no weight restrictions.  So I did it.  And now I'm scared the disc has ruptured once again.  I really have no way of telling without an MRI, so I'm just going to give it time and see how it does.  It doesn't hurt too badly compared to the worst it's ever been, but it didn't the last time it ruptured either.

I'm scared it may be time for a new job.  I really like where I am and enjoy what I'm doing, but it can be physically demanding at times.  Everyone there has been so understanding and helpful, not letting me do physical things, but shit like yesterday is bound to happen sometimes.  I did have a potential offer for a reception job, but it's not a certainty, and I'm not sure I'd want to do it.  But it's something to consider, I guess.

I'm scared that I'm never going to have my family.  Even if I do manage to find a fella and have a baby, I'm scared that I have no business trying to raise another human being.  I feel like I'm so fucked up sometimes that I would probably be a terrible parent.  I'm scared that I'm a failure at adult life because I didn't go to school for a steady job and have the money I need to support a family.  Right now I'm in so much debt from surgeries and am barely making ends meet.

I'm kind of freaking out a little.

Options

I have a bit of a quandary.  It's nothing serious or life changing and is definitely another first world problem.  I got back a decent refund from my taxes this year.  I'm reserving about half of it to pay for my trip to DC for the EndoMarch and for a visit to the dentist for a cleaning, which I haven't had in about two years.

But I'm not sure what to do with the rest of it.  I was originally going to put it all towards my credit card but I'm not sure anymore.  It wouldn't make a huge dent in it and wouldn't take my payments down by much.  I've been thinking of other options since I rarely have a decent chunk of cash like this.

I could put it in my savings account and just sit on it for awhile.

I could save it to put towards a wedding/honeymoon hopefully later this year.

I could save it for a future laparoscopy should I need it.

I could use it for an online photography class I've been wanting to take for years. 

I could use it to do a little home improvement.  I really want to redo the floors.  The bamboo in the living and dining rooms is all scratched and the planks are separating.  I really hate the carpet in the bedrooms.  I would have to save more for all of that though.

I could get a king size bed with it.  Two grown adults and two big dogs on a queen does not a good night's rest make.

I could use it to open an IRA since I have no savings for retirement at all yet.

I could put it towards buying my own engagement ring for him to go ahead and propose with, haha!  But seriously, I actually considered it, lol.

Hmmm....

Bullet Points

Got the appraisal back on the house and it's good!  The value is there and the house doesn't need major repairs.  We're now scheduling the actual home inspection, and I'm not anticipating anything huge.

I have a serious potential buyer for my old engagement ring.  It still hurts to sell it, but the money from it would wipe out about 75% of my credit card debt.  I could pay that off much quicker and actually start saving more.

I'm usually off Wednesdays but am picking up a few extra hours today.  We're short staffed right now, and I volunteered.  The extra moo-lah can't hurt.

After work, I'm coming home to soak up some more sun.  The tan is actually coming along pretty well.  I have a free outdoor chaise lounge thing on the way soon too.  No more laying on the brick patio.

Boxes are starting to take over the house.  The bf has started packing a few things, and I'm about to.  It's so weird.  I'm moving out at the beginning of the last month of our lease and he said, "So you'll be out and I'm gonna be stuck with all the cleaning, huh?" after I'd said several times before that I'd be back to clean and that I personally would shampoo all the carpet.  I hate how he does that.

He's been extra standoffish the past few days, although he was sweet this morning and even made extra coffee for me.  I guess he gets in his moods too.  I do care about him, but I am very much looking forward to not worrying about what a man is thinking all the time.  It's exhausting and emotionally draining.

Emotionally, I'm feeling a little better than I was in the last post.  It's crazy how it comes and goes.  I got a voice mail yesterday from the place in Memphis where I did the clinical trials for anti-depressants.  The guy said they're just checking in to see how I'm doing, and I thought that I really don't know how I would answer that.

I'm looking forward to a relaxing summer.  I'll be living with one of my best friends, which will be good.  I'll have plenty of time in my new house to myself since she usually spends 3-4 nights a week with her boyfriend.  I have no real plans but reading, sun soaking, hitting the gym and maybe taking up knitting again.  I have no interest in following patterns, but I do like the act of creating something with my hands.  My plan is to make a bunch of scarves and donate them this winter.

So, yeah.  That's what's going on right now.  Time to get ready for work.

Three Weeks!

Wow!  Once again, crazy long time.  How ya been?

Lots has been going on since we last spoke.  Broke up with the boyfriend and got back with the boyfriend after an entire night of talking it all out.  I jumped the gun a little there... I'm not the best at verbal communication.  We're doing really well now though.  It's kinda been like when we first got together again, which has been very nice.  I'm working on talking about things, and he's been trying to open up more too.

Took a lovely vacation with the boyfriend last week and saw NYC for the first time.  So many people said it would be overwhelming for me, but it really wasn't.  It seemed like any other city, and I guess I just wasn't that impressed.  Guess I like being a country girl.  Everyone said my feet would be dead by the end of the day too because I was walking through the city in flip-flops... don't they know I'd be barefoot all the time if I could?  But when I can't be, flip-flops can take me anywhere!

The rest of our time was spent in New Jersey, a state I had never wished to visit.  But we were in the northern mountainous part of it which was really lovely.  We stayed with a couple of his friends who are trendy hippies, kinda.  Of course I loved them!  They had a huge party one night, and I met a bunch of great people.  Met his sister and four nieces... they were pretty wonderful too.

I've ventured into the world of selling on eBay!  I've been buying for years, but never took the leap to sell.  It's actually been pretty fun.  I started with the Litter Kwitter and am now selling books and jewelry.  A good way to make a little bit of extra cash.  Which I totally need!  My "transfer your balances and get no interest for 12 months!" credit card is now in its 13th month, and the interest alone is over $100 a month!  Eeeeeek!  I thought for sure I would have made a bigger dent in my debt by now, but it just hasn't worked out that way.  I did pay off my car a couple of months ago though, so yay!  But... doctor bills, moving expenses, bigger utility bills due to more square footage... it all adds up, and I'm still in the negative each month.  Something's gotta give.

Still trying to sell my old engagement ring.  If I could, it would take away almost all the money stress.  It's been on eBay and all over the web for months, but no takers yet.  Had one offer, but it was crazy low, and I just couldn't do it.  Hopefully another one will come soon.

Okay, that's enough catching up for now I suppose.  I promise it won't be three weeks again next time!