Maybe next month...

I was looking forward to this two week wait.  The first 2ww in six months.  I got excited at the thought of it being all I could do not to start testing at 7 DPO.  ...of staring at nonexistent, but potential lines.  ...of turning down that glass of wine.  I was really looking forward to being all hopeful for two weeks and wondering if every little twinge I felt could be because a tiny little one was being created and starting to grow.  Even though I would know that every "symptom" I felt was probably due to the Clomid, deep, deep down I would have hope.  I will still have those symptoms these next two weeks if the Clomid so chooses, but I know there's no baby in there causing them. 

I'm probably 1 DPO today.  Thirteen more days to go.

Infertility in TV Land

Am I a bad person for wanting fictional characters on a television show to have fertility issues?  Pretty much every show I've seen with a couple trying to get pregnant has shown them successful after one or two attempts.  But on the show Parenthood, it seems that Julia and Joel have been trying to conceive their second child for awhile now with no success.  On the episode I most recently saw Julia opened up to her sister that each passing month was getting more frustrating.

I'm kind of hoping that it does take them some time and that they may even need to seek help for it.  Is that wrong?  It's not just because I'm tired of throwing a fit and the remote every time a fake person on a TV show I like to watch gets knocked up right after stopping the pill.  I'd really like to see it acknowledged that getting preggo doesn't always go so smoothly for some people and have just a little attention brought to the topic.  Maybe they could even have an episode where she gets pissed because a multitude of people tell her to just relax and not stress about it.

I tried to do some online "research" and didn't find anything about it, so I don't know.  I have missed all the new episodes since Thanksgiving and am just now slowly catching up, so maybe they've already covered or resolved it.  I hope not though.  I did read that they get it on in her brother's house during her nephew's birthday party because she's ovulating, which seems a little inappropriate even for TTC.  I mean, I know you gotta do what you gotta do when it's O time, but I'm sure they could have found some time at home, right?  Or is that just me?

Oh, and while I'm on the topic of TV, I watched an episode of Cougar Town last night where Ellie freaked out on her husband for not being psychic and knowing what she wanted without her telling him.

"You're just supposed to know what I want even when I'm saying crazy, stupid things that I don't mean, especially when I think I mean them!  I mean, like now.  I don't even know what I'm saying.  I really feel crazy!"

I showed this to the husband last night and thanked him for knowing what I want even when I don't half the time, because he's just that awesome.  I also reminded him that I may or may not act twice as crazy in the coming weeks and to please bear with me because it's not my fault if I become a raving lunatic.  Should be fun to find out!  Bring it on, Clomid!

Counting The Days

13... approximate days until my next cycle starts

17... days until I start taking Clomid

18... days until I turn into a basket case due to the Clomid (hopefully not though)
25... days until it's time to start baby-makin!

30... days until I start obsessing over every "symptom" convinced it's because I'm totally knocked up

If everything goes according to plan and my body cooperates, that is.  I got the official go-ahead Friday to start taking Clomid next cycle, and I can't wait!  This month has been pure torture with so much waiting and counting down.  I started temping and using OPKs again just to make sure that I'm ovulating, which I'm pretty sure I did, but a couple of days late.  That's okay though.

The problem has been the no sex thing.  I'm nearing the end of my 30-day waiting period for the anti-depressants to work their way out of my system, and that's meant no nookie during the fertile days.  Paranoid chick that I am, it also meant none for the entire week or so before those days too.

So of course that would be the time the primal force inside which demands to reproduce started screaming "Must get busy!  Must get busy right now!!"  It was pretty adamant, and I think I got the female equivalent of blue balls at least once.  I've read that you tend to get more aroused when you're about to ovulate which is nature's way of ensuring procreation.  I've never really gotten that way around O time in the past but boy did I last week, the one time I couldn't do a damn thing about it.  Lets hope it comes back around next month.  

Lets also hope the husband continues working mornings and the roommate continues working evenings too, or else it could get awkward again.

Exciting News!

We’re going to start trying to get pregnant again!! I am so ecstatic! And relieved… I think because it feels like we’re moving forward again. During our break I’ve felt stuck, like I was just trying to keep busy to pass the time until we were ready to try again. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom and have a family, and we’re actually going to be working on it again!

The talk with the husband this past weekend went really well, obviously. First we revisited the reason we initiated our TTC break… our financial situation. Over the past few months we haven’t really made any headway in that area, and we realized that we probably won’t anytime soon and that we don’t care anymore. We probably won’t be financially secure for at least ten more years, if ever, so screw it.

Then we moved on to how we want to go about it this time, now that we know we’ll probably need help. He said I should go first since I’d been chomping at the bit ever since that text message last week... he’s so sweet! I told him my ideas for a tentative plan of action, then he told me his thoughts on it all, and together we came up with a definitive plan.

First off is possibly getting “weaned” off the anti-depressants. There may be a taper-down period to ease the transition back to a “drug-free” life. After that, there’s probably a suggested minimum amount of time to wait before getting pregnant to let the meds leave my system, probably thirty days. I find all that out at my appointment next Monday. I guess we’re probably looking at about a month and a half before we actually get to start trying again.

My last day of anti-depressants will also be my last day of birth control (yay!). That next month will allow my body to rid any residual stuff from the meds and also (hopefully) to return to my normal menstrual cycle. During that time I’ll contact my wonderful lady doctor to confirm that she still wants me to try the Clomid. If so, we’ll give that a go for a few months, and if nothing, I’ll send my records to the endometriosis specialists in Atlanta to see what they have to say. But not before the husband gets a semen analysis… he wasn’t too happy about that, but agreed that he’d definitely do it before surgery.

I’d had concerns about possibly taking Clomid since I already ovulate on my own, but I feel better about it now after reading more information. Apparently if the endo has affected either of the ovaries, it’s possible the egg doesn’t fully develop before ovulation, meaning it couldn’t be fertilized. The Clomid boosts the hormones, hopefully making a more mature egg and therefore causing a “stronger” ovulation. I’d heard that term before and not fully understood what it meant, so yay for learning new things. :)

Sorry this has been another long one… I’m just so excited! Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Year’s celebration! 2011… wow. I’m so hoping it’ll be a good year!