Slow Week

I may have spoken too soon.  The husband hasn't been able to contact the chef in Nashville because his boss still hasn't given him the info.  But he did come into the restaurant yesterday and told him about their conversation.  Apparently the chef in Nashville said he wasn't sure if he'll have an opening in May, but if he doesn't he'll help him get a job at another restaurant in town.  He also offered to help us find a place to live... how nice!

So the husband is bummed that the job isn't secured and freaking out a little because that's the place he really wants to work.  It's very similar to the kind of restaurant he hopes to open one day, and he thinks he'd be able to learn a lot there.  I'm so hoping it works out for him.  I don't like a worried husband!

Not much going on this week on my end.  I've been very happily exploring my new obsession and learning about my new camera and photography.  My other obsession of looking at houses online dominates a good portion of my day... even though none of those places will be available in four months.  Why do I do it?  I was strangely happy when AF arrived even though I had no reason to think she wouldn't.  I guess it's a good feeling knowing my body is working somewhat correctly.  It snowed again last night for a couple of hours and was pretty.

I think the highlight of the week has been the two nights in a row of red wine.  It makes me happy.  We haven't been getting any of it lately because mid-twenties boys like beer, and that's what they've been buying. It's nice to have a glass or two (or three) of wine and feel like an adult again.

Happy Things

Hope everyone had a magical holiday! We awoke Christmas morning to a winter wonderland! It had snowed overnight (in Mississippi!) making for a white Christmas! It was so thrilling! We immediately took the dogs outside, and they had a blast romping in it all. We cooked some wonderful food and had a very relaxing day. It was perfect.

Santa was good to me! I got the camera I wanted! My wonderful husband and parents went in on it together, and I absolutely love it. I took a ton of pictures and can’t wait to sit down and learn all the ins and outs of it!

My wonderful husband gave me kind of a late Christmas gift last night. He was at work and sent me a text completely out of the blue.

"I think we should do your surgery.”

I didn’t really know how to respond to it, but said “Okay baby. We can talk when you get home. Everything ok?”

“Yep, I just want a family with you.”

How amazing is he?! When he got home he was telling me how everyone at work was talking about how great Christmas with their kids was, and how he wanted to have that. I got so excited. We were both exhausted last night and he’s got a crazy week, so we’re going to talk about it this weekend. I contacted the Center for Endometriosis Care in Atlanta for some info because if I have surgery it’s going to be done by a specialist who actually knows about the condition/disease and the right way to go about it. They do free phone consultations and could give me a price quote during it. I hope they have a payment plan.

I’m trying not to get my hopes up, and we’ll probably talk ourselves out of it again because we’re still nowhere close to being financially ready, but it’s just so exciting to think about TTC again! To find out the status of my insides where the endo is concerned.

But I also wonder if it’s a mistake to jump right into surgery. We only tried for nine months… should we try longer and see if anything happens? I’d definitely want the husband to do the semen analysis before surgery… I hope he’d be on board with that. Should we try the Clomid for a few months like my lady doctor wanted first? Although I really don’t see that helping as I have always ovulated on my own. And I think she just wanted us to give it a try before sending me to an endo specialist, because she knows it’s pricey and I’m insuranceless. I just don’t know.

If we do decide to start TTC again I’ll have to leave the depression study. I’d be okay with that though because I think stopping TTC is what brought on this last bout of it all. I had another appointment yesterday, and they upped my dosage. I was feeling a little better on the lower dose, but not as much as they’d like. So up I go.

My mind is racing with all this. This weekend can’t get here fast enough.

Illogically talking myself back into it...

I can’t seem to let go of the photography thing. It’s gone past just the camera now... I’m starting to seriously consider it as a profession. The more I think about it, the more I can’t stop thinking about it. I’ve only seriously considered one other thing as a possible long-term profession, and that was being a pastry chef about two years ago.

The husband had just been accepted into culinary school, and I thought about how much I’ve always loved to bake. Plus it would have been cool to be in school together. Anyways, I thought about it for a long while, but ultimately decided against it because as much as I love to bake, I hate being in the kitchen. Period. I get so freakin frustrated sometimes that I warn the husband to stay out. I couldn’t imagine myself voluntarily in a kitchen for the rest of my life. That and it would have cost about $30,000 (we got so lucky the GI Bill covered it for the husband!), which was just not going to happen. 

The money issue is the only thing holding me back this time around, because I really feel like I could do it. I found a program that’s a thirtieth of the previous price (just thought that would be fun to say), but there’s no way we could swing that or the cost of a camera now. It’s an online institute (yeah, yeah I know… but I actually talked to some people that have done it and they loved it), which I think I would do so much better at than going to a physical school. I was never good at that with the whole social anxiety thing. I seriously don’t think I could bear it having pictures I took being put up in front of an entire class to be critiqued/criticized. Plus with this you go at your own pace and have your own personal tutor who grades and critiques. I think it would be awesome.

A few of the stones we made

I want an artsy job where I can be creative. When I was in high school, some friends and I made stained glass stepping stones, and it was awesome. We even had our own little business we named “The Glass Menagerie” and we sold our stuff at local festivals. I loved it so much. I always had tiny cuts all over my fingers, and we had a scary glass cutting machine we lovingly named “The Monster”, but I loved actually making something. Creating something with my own two hands. I know taking pictures isn’t actually making anything other than pictures, but I’ve always loved it and found it to be a very creative outlet. While I was searching for this picture just now, I found a lot more that I took in high school. Even then I was trying to get creative and make them look good. Another one for my “One Day” list I suppose.

New Love and New Obsessions

Yes, I am in love once again. My wonderful husband is still my number one love and obsession and always will be, but a new object of desire has found its way into my heart. It’s a camera. When the in-laws came this past weekend they brought their very nice Nikon, and my heart became all aflutter as I played with it. I’ve always wanted a really nice camera with a big lens that I could manually focus, and deep down I’ve always thought that if I had one I could attempt to be a photographer. I’ve had a couple of little digital cameras, but they’ve never held up for very long. And thinking that the nice ones were waaay too expensive, I’ve never even tried to entertain the thought that we could ever have one. Until now.

Of course I went online looking for one and found the perfect one. It would be expensive for us, but it’s not badly priced for what I consider a nice camera at all. It’s beautiful! I’m going to try to convince the wonderful, kind, generous, handsome husband I have (Can you tell he reads this?) that it could be a Christmas and birthday gift (my b-day’s in February) rolled into one that could probably be split with my parents. It could even count as next year’s anniversary gift (in May… a stretch, I know). I know it’s a lot and I totally don’t need or deserve it… I’m still not contributing any money to this family (although I'm applying for another job today… fingers crossed!) and the husband’s moo-lah will be paying for all the holiday gifts this year, including his… but a girl can dream.


Another new obsession that the rest of the household is sharing with me is The Price Is Right game on Facebook. All three of us log in on our respective computers and play together online. It sounds really dorky, but it’s freakin fantastic! The husband and the roommate continuously bash each other on the general chat, but it’s amusing knowing the rest of the people there are just trying to play a game and thinking “What the hell is wrong with them?”.

When your bid is the closest and you hear “YOU WIN! Come on down!”… wow, nothing beats it. That rarely happens because I’m constantly underbidding on crazy expensive items (I would never pay $3000 for one little chair), which makes it that much better when I actually do get it right. Then I win a pricing game! Then I win the showcase!! Oh wow, I just won $50,000 worth of pretend cash and prizes! Well, that’s only happened once, but it TOTALLY rocked. Am I a dork? I don’t think so because The Price Is Right is the best game show ever, right? Right?