Staycation Ramblings

The hurricane did a little damage.  The wind knocked some large tree limbs down, one of which took out a section of fence in my back yard.  Somehow it went down in one piece without any of the wood actually breaking, and it didn't take much for wonderful boyfriend and me to prop it up and nail it back in place.  I borrowed my parents tiny electric chainsaw to chop up the massive limbs, and some kind neighbors helped me drag it all out to the road.  It caused a lot of terrible flooding all over the region, but I was lucky not to have been affected.

The boy and I are still doing very well.  We see each other all the time and still get along wonderfully.  He just got back from a trip across the state to visit family.  I won't lie, I got a little nervous.  When the last boyfriend cheated on me, it was during a trip he took home, and that still affects me apparently.  But I trust him and really don't see him as the cheating type.  He's also been cheated on and knows how it feels, so hopefully he wouldn't ever.  I hate that I still worry about that.

I'm currently on vacation from work, and it's mostly a staycation.  The majority of the week I'm planning on just chilling at home and around town.  I'm doing laundry now (exciting) and will see the boy tonight.  Later this week and weekend he and I are going to a beach house some of his friends are gathering at.  He said there would be lots of just hanging out, drinking and smoking, so it should be relaxing.  If it gets too much for me, I'll be prepared with wine, a book, and a hoodie to chill on the beach.

I want the boy to meet my people.  I want to introduce him to my parents and show him off to friends, but I worry it's too soon.  I really want to make sure he's going to stick around for awhile before I do.  I'm very much hoping to have him to spend the fall/winter and holidays with.  They're so much more magical when you've got a special someone to share them with.

Happy New Year

Wow, I skipped all of December.  I've never done that before.  The holiday blues continued, and I just didn't feel like writing I suppose.

Christmas was nice.  Spent time with family and some friends who were in town.  New Year's was rough.  My plans fell through, so I spent the night at home drinking an entire bottle of champagne by myself.  Then drank some wine.  I was sad.

I made some absolutely amazing Christmas cookies.  Snickerdoodles.  Brownie cookies. White chocolate chip/oatmeal/cranberry/pistachio cookies.  Amazing shit.

My biological father called Christmas evening during dinner and left a message.  I called him back a couple of days later, then again New Year's Eve but haven't gotten him yet.  The last time he called was Christmas 2011.

The roommate moved out a few weeks ago, and I'm on the lookout for a new one again.  I really like living alone and wish I could afford it by myself.  Oh well.  I hope the next person and I relate a little better.  I always felt awkward around the old one.

Got a professional bra fitting a few weeks ago.  I thought I was a D cup.  Nope.  Apparently I wear an F or a G, depending on the bra.  That absolutely blows my mind.

I'm going to start another Whole30 this week.  Ready to lose more weight and hoping to lose more than last time since I'm going to the gym now.  I've had a couple of people recently say they could tell I've lost some weight, so I'm motivated to see more results.  I'm ready to be happy with what I see in the mirror.

Been doing some serious flirting with Dakota Guy.  He said recently that we could be a possibility in his mind now.  Nothing other than talk is happening so far.  No plans have been set in motion.  I don't know if he's serious or not.  I figure since no one else is interested right now, I'll just keep working on me for the time being.  When I've lost the weight I want and feel comfortable with myself again, I'll see where he stands.  If he's not fully in it I'll move on.  I think that's a good plan.

I had my second back injection last month, and it was even worse than the first one.  I guess the doctor got the medicine right to the nerve because when he injected it my leg felt like it was set on fire.  Sharp pain shot down, and I cried out.  It was so embarrassing.  But he said it could be a good thing since that didn't happen the first time and I didn't feel much better after it.  And it has been feeling better this time around, so maybe he's right.

I'm thinking about getting back on anti-depressants.  Things have been really hard lately, but I don't know if it's just because of the holidays.  I might give it another month or so and reevaluate.  I'm just tired of being sad.

Woah!

I can't believe it's been a freakin month since I've written!  I'm not sure I've ever gone that long before.  Not sure why, just haven't felt like writing until now.

This past week I stuck my toe in the dating waters to see how it would go.  A few months ago I perused a certain dating website to see who was out there, and there was one guy who stuck out.  I wasn't really ready for anything yet, so I didn't sign up.  But last weekend after a couple of glasses of wine I decided to look again, and he was still there!  So I made a profile and messaged him, and he actually messaged back!  He was cute, seemed like a super nice guy, and wanted the same things I did out of life.

We decided to meet up for a drink one evening.  Day was set, time was set... then he fell asleep after I asked where he'd like to meet.  No big deal, he said he might.  So the next morning, the day we were to meet, I sent a good morning message.  I checked back a few minutes later to see that he was online.  Yay!  No reply.  Grrr, but okay.  Hours passed.  About 2-3:00pm I asked if we were still on for our date.  No reply.  Punk.  I get if he changed his mind or something, but be a freakin grown up and just say so.  Geez.  So that was a great first experience attempting to date again.

One good thing did come out of it though... a good conversation with my roommate.  We're not very similar, have opposite schedules, and don't really see each other very much.  I don't think we've had more than a five minute conversation at all before now.  But we just happened to be home and awake at the same time and ended up commiserating about sucky guys.  It was nice to get to vent about some stuff and be understood.

I had my first back injection a few weeks ago, and it... fucking... hurt.  A lot.  Like, a lot a lot.  And they make you hurt more for about a week after you get them.  I'd rather sit through tattoos then do that again.  But, alas, I shall be receiving another 1-2 injections in the coming months, the first being in about two weeks.  Awesome.

But to reward myself I shall sit through more pain and get tattooed again.  I think I've finally found what I want to be my next one, but I'm still thinking and tweaking it.  I've been wanting to venture off my back for awhile, and this one would be on my shoulder and arm, or just arm... haven't decided yet.  I'm excited though.

I'm also excited that I've gone back to the gym!  Anything other than the treadmill makes the nerve hurt, so I'm starting out super slow right now.  My social anxiety has got me too nervous to venture away from the cardio equipment anyway.  I'm hoping the temporary physical restriction will give me time to mentally prepare myself to try the weight machines (in front of everyone!) when I'm able.  We'll see.  I've only been a few times so far, but it feels so good to get back to it.  This is a new gym that just opened, and I love it so far.

And that's been my exciting life for the past month.

Better Updates

Not as grouchy as the last post, but there have been moments this past week.  Overall it's been okay.  Been making progress on some things.

- My car is getting fixed in about two weeks, and the rental car peeps will pick me up at the shop.  The other person's insurance is paying for it all.

- Had my last physical therapy appointment yesterday, and we've determined that it's not doing any good.  I see the surgeon next week and am going to be firm about getting an MRI.  Not good progress on this one, but at least it's something.

- Thought I had another promising roommate prospect, but then... nope.  What's up with all the flakes?

- I've started the Whole30 diet thing.  My chiropractor has been pushing me towards it lately because she thinks it can help with inflammation in my back.  I'm only on day two, but so far so good.  I am totally craving all the bad things though.  It's gonna be a long month, but I'm determined.

- I've started couponing some, mainly during super doubles week.  This week I spent about $28 dollars and saved $115!  Absolute craziness.

Eh, I guess that's about it for now.  Exciting stuff, I know.

Que Sera, Sera

"What screws us up most in life 

is the picture in our heads
of how it's supposed to be."

I've seen this quote around the internet a lot lately, and it's got me thinking.  Since I was in high school I've pictured myself falling in love with a man and having children with him.  Of course we'd have trials along the way, but overall we'd have our own happily ever after.  Or whatever the real life equivalent of that is.  And I've never questioned it.  In my mind that's just how it's supposed to be.

But what if it's not?

Maybe I'm not actually going to have a lifelong partner.  Maybe I'll be with different people and enjoy the time with each of them while it's good.  Maybe they'll each be serious for a while, or maybe they'll all be casual.  Or it could be a mix.

Maybe I won't ever have children.  Maybe I won't actually create a little life and feel it grow inside of me.  Maybe my body's not capable of it.  Maybe adoption won't ever be an option.  Maybe I'll never be financially able to support someone other than myself.

It's sad and a little scary to think that the major things you've always wanted just might not happen.  But it's also kind of liberating at the same time.  It could be the "live for today" mentality starting up.  Or that old saying "stop trying and it'll happen" that everyone loves to tell you.  Or maybe it's just me getting tired of being disappointed... "You can't be disappointed if you have no expectations." 

I don't know if I believe in fate.  Are things really meant to be?  Does everything happen for a reason?  Looking back I can see how things that have happened have led to other important things, many times good.  And that brings comfort when you're going through a hard time.  But is that how it was supposed to go down, or was it just coincidence?

Maybe there's another purpose for my life.

Maybe I just suck at relationships.

Maybe I'll find out one day.

New Developments

First thing first... I have a new nephew!  My youngest "sister" had her first child, a boy, a little over a week ago.  He is gorgeous, and she is so happy!  They live very far away, and I have no idea when I'll get to see them but I can't wait to meet him!

I also have a new little one, but of the four-legged and furry variety.  This is my new kitten...

She's about seven weeks old and all of two pounds.  She was found by a co-worker's boyfriend under the hood of a car that had been driven to his shop to get worked on.  Luckily the person lived just down the street, and the three kittens inside weren't hurt at all.  I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her picture.  I've sworn up and down over the years that I would never have another kitten, but here she is.  My first cat was a little hellion as a wee one, and I've had no desire to go through that again.  But I've now got him all grown up and a dog to play with her, so I think it'll be okay.  Plus she already has the sweetest disposition I think I've ever seen in a kitten, so that's on her side too, haha.

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend's mother a little while ago, and apparently it freaked him the mess out.  Which I of course find hilarious.  She doesn't know that he cheated on me, and I guess he was afraid that I would tell her.  She told him about our lunch date a week before we actually met up, so he got to fret for a while.  He wanted to know all about it and texted me not even a few hours after the fact.  Of course I didn't tell her, but I do get a tiny bit of enjoyment from his freakout.

He's been texting me every so often, trying to remain friends.  He said the other day that he misses us (me and the pets) and thinks about us every day.  And that he knows how to ruin a good thing.  Of course I'm over thinking the fact that he said he misses us and not just me.  I know our pets were and still are a huge part of our lives, and he loves mine too.  But I'm wondering if he misses that part of the relationship, our life altogether, more than being with me.

Someone asked me out the other day.  Technically, he asked me to "hang out", but that's the same thing these days, right?  I hate dating.  He's currently out of town for work, but asked if I would be interested in meeting up with him when he gets back.  I said yes.  Not sure how I feel about it or him yet... I only met him once a couple of years ago.  But I guess it'll be good to get that first date back in the stupid game out of the way.  From all I've heard about him, he could be a really good guy, so who knows.

I'm still worried about my back.  It was feeling somewhat better, but this past weekend it started hurting really badly again.  But AF is in town, and it always hurts then, so I'll give it a little more time before I call the doc.  Oh, and I got the final bill for the endo surgery.  Yeah... I'm going to be paying medical debts for the rest of my life.  Le sigh.

Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that I got a new piercing about six weeks ago.  I'd been wanting a non-traditional ear piercing for a long time, but never could decide what.  Then one day I decided to do it and got my inner conch pierced.  I love it!

So, yeah.  Mostly good things lately.

Ready for Stability

It seems like a lot has happened in the past couple of weeks.  So many emotions constantly changing every day.  I'm ready for some new stability, and hopefully that will happen once the ex finally moves out next weekend.  We've been friendly towards each other, and it's just easier that way.  He's been very friendly and has actually tried to romance me the past couple of nights to get me to sleep with him again which isn't going to happen.  I found out the other day that he's actually talking with at least two other girls now.  Bully for him.  I'm ready to have my house back to myself and not be wondering or worrying about what a freakin man is doing.

I thought I was "talking" to another guy for awhile, but now I'm not sure anymore.  Since the breakup I've been texting almost every day with my guy friend from many years ago who lives half a country away.  I've always wondered if we would end up together one day.  He was doing some serious flirting back with me for awhile there.  We even had an almost three hour long conversation last weekend which was amazing.  We hadn't talked on the phone in at least two years, but it was like no time had passed at all.  I suggested the other day that we could meet up again, but he was all maybe-ish and I haven't heard from him since.  I was pretty sure he was single, but maybe not.  Maybe he's just not into me like that anymore.  Ugh.

My stepdad seems to be doing better for now, but I really have no idea what's going on with him.  He's off most of the medications and is more mobile now.  He's actually able to take care of himself for a few hours at a time, and my mother has been able to go back to work for the first time since January.  It's possible he could stay like this for awhile and it's also possible this is a rally before the end.  We just don't know.

We had some scary craziness at work the other day.  One of the employees vehicles caught on fire.  It was destroyed, took out the car next to it and damaged some of the building as well.  Two of our employees saw the first signs of smoke and were able to get a few things out of the car before the flames took over the whole thing.  The fire extinguisher did nothing.  It was awful and terrifying.  It seemed like it took forever for the fire department to show up, but in reality it was only a few minutes.  The fire just got so big so fast that it seemed like an eternity.  Luckily no one was hurt.

My back has been doing better, thankfully.  It gets sore at night but during the day it's mostly fine.  I saw the orthopedist and got a shot in my shoulder a couple of weeks ago.  It has been helping with the pain, and I've been doing some physical therapy at home.  I feel like it's starting to wear off though as the shoulder has been achy again lately.  I hope this doesn't turn into a thing.

Pulling Pigtails

I've been having a ton of very vivid dreams lately and I think it's because of the pain meds.  Last night I woke myself up apparently acting out part of my dream.  In this one I was at a park and had a bag of clothes sitting on a picnic table.  I guess I was going somewhere that night?  Anyways, I had walked away for a few minutes and when I returned there was a little girl with pigtails going through my bag and tossing my clothes everywhere.  I remember my pretty pair of red undies getting thrown into the dirt.

The mother of the child was about thirty feet away, and I was trying to get her attention to no avail.  So I did the next logical thing... I reached out to grab the girl by one of her pigtails to get her to stop.

And that's when I woke up knocking over the glass of water on my nightstand.  Somehow I managed to catch the glass, but not before about half of the water went all over my phone.  I have no idea how that happened, but luckily my phone was unfazed.

I woke myself up talking out a dream the other night.  I dream about work a lot.  They're usually about me going back after all this, and everything's different or it's crazy busy.

Very strange.

Off

All week I've been kinda off.  Not my usual self.  I've been hurting a lot since the EndoMarch and I'm wondering if that's contributing to it.  About halfway through the Call to Action ceremony my left ovary and sciatic nerve started throbbing and didn't stop for... well, tomorrow will be a week, and it's still on and off.  I'm guessing it was from all the extra walking and spending four to five hours in frigid weather.  They've both been hurting a little every day for the past few months, but it's just ridiculous now!  And terribly aggravating.  The trip back from DC was torturous.

I went back to work Monday and found several changes had taken place last week.  Shit always seems to go down whenever I go on vacation, and I just don't get why.  It's always fun to try to guess what I'll be walking back into.  This time it could lead to some really serious changes which could affect my future there.  I think that's adding to the stress.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I got into a... I don't even know what to call it.  It wasn't a fight, wasn't really a misunderstanding.  He called me out on a sore subject, and the way he did it really hurt my feelings.  It all made me wonder about our future, and I hate that.  I hate that I can't let myself fully let go in a relationship now and have that feeling that no matter what is said or done, that we'll get through it.  Maybe that's always going to be how it is for me now.  Maybe doing so back then was just me being naive.  Either way, I miss that feeling.  He and I are fine now, but I'm always off for a bit after incidents like that.

All of these plus some other small things from my trip last week, I think, are contributing to my unease lately.  I've got that nervous, queasy feeling all the time and I don't know how to shake it.  I've always had a nervous stomach and I hate when stress and apprehension manifest themselves in that way.  I could use another vacation just to chill the eff out.

Day One in Washington

This is the tale of the inevitable embarrassment of a Southern girl all alone in the big city.

We start with parking.  The drive there was effortless, but once I actually got within a couple of blocks of my hotel, it got bad.  It was later afternoon, and there was a lot of traffic.  My hotel had a little area of free parking for guests to unload and check in that I had been planning on taking advantage of, seeing as the parking garage for the hotel was four blocks away.  I ended up circling the damn block at least four times, each time taking at least five minutes as I battled horrendous traffic and pedestrians.  The freakin thing was fully parked or double parked every time!  Couldn't find any decent street parking either, and the last lap around I started cursing and pulled into the parking garage right next to the hotel.  Which had a valet.  Which I'd never had the pleasure of experiencing before... I'm usually a self-serve parker and proud of it.  He asked how long I would be there and asked, "You know this isn't the garage for your hotel, right?"  Yes, yes I'm aware of that, but I don't care anymore.

So I hiked up to the street with my heavy ass suitcase and encountered some guy in a suit who was pacing back and forth in front of the entrance to the garage.  Seeing my suitcase he asked if I was staying at the hotel next door.  Yes, yes I am.  "You know this isn't the garage for your hotel, don't you?"  Yes, yes I do.  "Go get your car and I'll watch it for you" as he pointed to a spot on the road.  I looked at him kind of dumbfounded.  "Leave your suitcase here and tell him you want your car back," he pretty much ordered me.  I said with obvious skepticism in my voice, "So you're gonna watch my suitcase and my car while I check in?" not sure whether to trust him or not.  "Yes, yes!  Go get your car!"  We literally said the same things to each other and talked in that whole circle again before I eventually and reluctantly left my suitcase with him and attempted to do as he instructed.  I could see him the whole time, so I felt a tiny bit safer about it, but not much.

"No, it's been three minutes, you'll have to pay," the valet guy said, then continued, "You want me to get it?"  No, that's quite alright.  Back up the hill I went to the other guy who said, "I told you!  I was just trying to save you some money!  That's a few gallons of gas!"  Yeah, I know buddy.  Thanks for watching my bag.  So, I went to check into the hotel, and seeing from my reservation that I needed to pay for their garage, the guy inquired as to where I was parked.  I sighed and told him, to which he responded, "You know that parking garage isn't ours, right?"  Yes, yes I do.  I finally got my room key and carried my bag up to the eighth floor, tossed it on the bed and headed back down to move my car to the actual hotel parking garage.

Finally got that ordeal over with and walked around downtown DC for a while.  I noticed I looked a little out of place.  It was 60 degrees when I left NC, so I was in my flip flops and jeans with an informal top and jacket.  I thought it felt about the same there, but everyone else was all bundled up.  They were also in very professional attire with fancy suits and boots.  I got some weird looks.

When I was over the city, I mapped out the restaurant I wanted to try and headed towards it.  I was determined to get sushi!  Until I didn't.  They were closed.  I was hungry and didn't feel like waiting.  So I walked back to the hotel which had three restaurants and had my first experience dining alone.  It was strange.  I was surrounded by what looked like more professionals who had just gotten out of work and were gathered for happy hour.  Eh, whatever.

I ate kind of quickly and noticed my waiter outside on a smoke break.  No biggie.  When I actually finished, he appeared out of nowhere from behind me and took my plate.  I assumed he'd be right back with the check, but no.  He chatted it up with another waitress for a good few minutes, looking over at me several times.  I thought I'd caught his eye a few times, but he made no acknowledgement of it.  I stared him down, and he finally came over.  "You want another drink?"  No, no thanks.  I was finally able to pay and headed into the hotel.

I walked into the lobby and down the hall to the elevator, passing a school group of high school boys along the way.  As I passed the last two, I noticed one of them following me with his eyes.  I was all, yeah I still got it, walking a little taller and feeling a little bit better about myself.  Then his friend said, "Dude, she's like 40."

Awesome.

And so I sulked back to my room and actually got a chance to look at it.  I pulled back the curtains to a magnificent view...

Yeah....  Not quite what I was expecting.  The hotel is 100 years old and had some other interesting quirks.  This was the vent for the air...

Had never seen that before.  The heat source in the bedroom was an old radiator.  In the bathroom it was just a massive pipe that ran floor to ceiling and actually put out an impressive amount of heat.  

I opened the bottle of wine I brought and finished out my night with a couple of very satisfying glasses.  In a plastic hotel cup.  Classy.  Possibly under the influence of the wine, I did something I never do and took a mirror selfie...

This is still a mostly anonymous blog,
so please don't mind the blackout, haha ;)

I sent it to the boyfriend saying Cheers!

And so ended one of the most awkward days ever.

♪ Breakdown... go ahead and give it to me! ♫

A little Tom Petty to start your morning.

I have been on vacation from work going on 72 hours now.  It's been busy so far, but now I'm... aaaaahhhh.  That was a relaxing one, not a screaming one.  I'm sipping coffee now catching up on some internet stuff.  This is the first time I've slowed down since being released at noon on Saturday.

Got out of work and had a nice couple come over to look at my old wedding dress I've been trying to sell for years.  She tried it on and said she'd get back to me.  I headed to visit my parents like I do every Saturday afternoon.  Ended up using a chainsaw for the first time to chop down and up a small tree that had fallen in their yard.  I was all "I am kayak, hear me roar" again, but my step-dad pointed out that I'm working for that canoe.  Yes, yes I am.   And I'm okay with that.  :)

After leaving their house, I headed to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription of birth control, my miracle pain management drug, with my spiffy new insurance.  It went from $75 for a three-month supply to absolutely nothing.  Zilch, zero, nada.  The lady checking me out said, "Well, that's a big difference" as she just handed me the bag.  I was all.... huh??  This is the first time I've had insurance in a very long time, and I really didn't know if there would be a copay or what, so I was floored when she told me it didn't cost me anything.  So awesome!  And very helpful.  I'm very thankful.

Saturday evening I headed to the boyfriend's house and we had a nice dinner.  Sunday we went on the hunt for yellow shoelaces for my Chucks for the EndoMarch, but could not find any anywhere.  We must have looked in five different shoe stores.  They had neon yellow, but not regular old yellow.  Ended up buying ten feet of parachute (not sure if that was the brand or what it was) cord and cutting it down to size.  Whatever works.

Went back to his place and played with the dogs in the back yard for a long time.  It was a beautiful sunny day, and we saw a gorgeous bald eagle floating and soaring in the wind above us.  I haven't seen one since I was very young and lived more inland.  I've never seen one here before.  It was amazing.

Yesterday, well, I guess I slowed down in the morning.  I was a bum.  Then I met my parents for an early dinner at a local seafood restaurant they've been wanting to try.  It was yummy.  Then I attempted to buy jeans.  Yeah, that never works.  Nothing ever fits right.  So I took myself to Michael's and bought a yellow hat and iron on decals for the EndoMarch.  We'll see how that goes today.

Last night I babysat my two nieces for a bit while her mother went to teach a yoga class.  It tried my patience a little, but I'm proud to say I came out with a win.  Not bad for my first time babysitting two youngins!  When my sis returned home, we did our weekly dinner and watched the newest Grey's Anatomy.  That's our show, yo. 

Tonight I'm attending my first FB virtual party.  It's for Jamberry Nails.  I love nail stuff, so should be interesting.  Maybe I'll win a little something.

This recap has been interesting stuff, I know.  Hehe.  Anyways, I'm off to officially start my day of prep for traveling to DC tomorrow and for the EndoMarch Thursday... but that's another post.  :)

Rants and Raves

Today is the boyfriend's birthday.  Last week I found him the perfect present on eBay and promptly committed to buying and paid as soon as I saw it.  It was marked as shipped Saturday and was expected to be delivered by yesterday.  No package yesterday.  I got home for my lunch break today and got all excited when I saw the mail carrier pull up.  No package for me.  So I went online to check things out and saw a tracking number had been added recently.  I clicked on the number to find that it had just been shipped yesterday.  What?!?  Grrrr....

So I calmly and politely sent a message to the sender asking for clarification.  A couple of hours later, I got this...

Notice the "y" in "apologyze".  And then a few minutes later...

First off, grammar please.  Secondly, sure buddy, I'll be sure to let you know.  Hope it's not an inconvenience if I forget.

Just aggravating.  I understand that things come up, but don't mark something as shipped and then actually ship it four days later.  So I got the boyfriend this as a stand in...

Yum!  I may or may not have gotten one for myself also...

He was perfectly fine with that.

That was my rant.  Now for my rave... the boyfriend said he just may move in with me sooner than this summer!  Maybe even pretty damn soon.  He's been renting this overpriced, junky little house but hasn't wanted to break his lease because the rental company really helped him get it in a jam.  But the heating/AC unit is pretty much dead and has been causing him to have $500 utility bills this winter, which he just can't afford.  They sent people out to fix it numerous times, but it just kept breaking.  They finally decided a couple of weeks ago that the unit is kaput and needs to be replaced, but they haven't said when.  The owner of the house has mentioned wanting to sell it and may do so "as is" and not replace it.  So the bf really has no idea, but he can't afford that high bill each month.

I've been trying to get him to move in since the roommate moved out, but this is the first he's actually really considered it.  He likes to think on things for a while, so it may be a bit longer.  But it's something!

I've enjoyed my couple of months of living alone, but I'm cool with that coming to an end.  We only really get to hang out a couple of days a week, and I get so tired of saying goodbye to him on "school nights."  I think I'm starting to wear him down.  :)

Options

I have a bit of a quandary.  It's nothing serious or life changing and is definitely another first world problem.  I got back a decent refund from my taxes this year.  I'm reserving about half of it to pay for my trip to DC for the EndoMarch and for a visit to the dentist for a cleaning, which I haven't had in about two years.

But I'm not sure what to do with the rest of it.  I was originally going to put it all towards my credit card but I'm not sure anymore.  It wouldn't make a huge dent in it and wouldn't take my payments down by much.  I've been thinking of other options since I rarely have a decent chunk of cash like this.

I could put it in my savings account and just sit on it for awhile.

I could save it to put towards a wedding/honeymoon hopefully later this year.

I could save it for a future laparoscopy should I need it.

I could use it for an online photography class I've been wanting to take for years. 

I could use it to do a little home improvement.  I really want to redo the floors.  The bamboo in the living and dining rooms is all scratched and the planks are separating.  I really hate the carpet in the bedrooms.  I would have to save more for all of that though.

I could get a king size bed with it.  Two grown adults and two big dogs on a queen does not a good night's rest make.

I could use it to open an IRA since I have no savings for retirement at all yet.

I could put it towards buying my own engagement ring for him to go ahead and propose with, haha!  But seriously, I actually considered it, lol.

Hmmm....

I'm a Grump

I've been in a bad mood most of this week.  Work has sucked.  One of our main girls has been out a couple of weeks now... she's in rehab somewhere for pills and will be at least until the end of the month.  Who knows if she'll even come back when she gets out?  I really hope she gets better, but this couldn't have come at a worse time of year.  This is our busiest time, and now we've only got three teenagers doing things in the back now.  Drama, drama.  My boss has been out sick, so I've been working long hours with no lunch breaks because there's no one else to cover.  Grouchy clients to boot.  Grrr...  So happy I'm off tomorrow.

On my day off earlier this week I was just in a bad mood from the get go.  Had what was supposed to be lunch with the boyfriend at 4:30 at a restaurant we both love that just opened up a month or so ago.  One of the worst services I've had anywhere, and the food really wasn't that great.  Maybe we'll give it another month or two.

No matter what I say to just about anyone lately... I'm wrong.  When I do something for someone... I did it wrong.   Even when I'm right, I know I'm right and I have proof to back me up... I'm still wrong.  I've just stopped talking to people because I'm tired of being wrong.

I had three packages magically disappear from my doorstep Wednesday.  I don't know if they were actually stolen or possibly delivered to the wrong house, but they're gone.  Three different Christmas presents.  Two are being replaced by the wonderful sellers they came from, but one I'm still not sure about.  I've never had a problem with packages being stolen before and I really hope that wasn't the case.  I feel pretty safe in this neighborhood... the drug dealer and his clients have never caused me any problems, and the questionable looking people who walk down the street off of my little nook have never really ventured into the nook.  Yes, all those people are here in my neighborhood, but I've never had cause to not feel safe.  Hopefully that's still the case.

Some good things...
- The roommate did get married and actually moves across the country to be with her husband a week from today.
- I'll have the house to myself.  No more fruit flies from her leaving food all over the place.
- I'm pretty excited for Christmas.  I actually made a few of the gifts and I'm most excited about them.
- I keep hoping the boyfriend will officially propose on Christmas... he probably won't, but a girl can dream, haha.
- In March I'll be attending the Million Woman March for Endometriosis in Washington, DC.  It's a worldwide event to raise awareness happening at the same time in dozens of country capitals.  I think it's going to be an amazing experience, and I absolutely cannot wait for it.

If I don't make it back here before Christmas, I hope it, or whatever you celebrate, is wonderful!

Vacation

My week of vacation is approaching its end.  The first part was absolutely amazing.  Friday I drove to Raleigh and stayed the night with a "sister".  We stayed in and up late just talking.  It was so nice.  Saturday morning we went out to breakfast, then I made my way to Charlotte.  Another sis and I went out to dinner then to see Matt Nathanson in concert.  I'd been trying to see that man for years and had the best time!  Even got a few decent pics...

Sunday we slept in and went out for breakfast with her baby, hubs and some in-laws.  I played with the baby all afternoon and then we had a fabulous dinner.  Monday morning they went to work, and I slept in a little.  I was headed back to Raleigh to stay with that sister again, but she didn't get home from work until sixish, so I had some time to kill in Charlotte.  Of course I went to IKEA!  Spent quite a few hours walking around and managed to get out of there with some good stuff and only thirty dollars lighter.

The drive back to Raleigh was spent singing very loudly and badly to Nathanson albums (I'm only a little obsessed with his music, that's all) and went by quickly.  That night we went downtown to a great sushi place and thoroughly enjoyed ourselves.  The next morning I woke up feeling like crap... I picked up the cold that the baby had.  The drive home was not fun.  I got back and crashed, then went to the boyfriend's house for the night.  Woke up to this...

A-d-o-r-a-b-l-e

Got another cute pic later that morning...

Yes, I am quite obsessed with my dogs! :)

The rest of the week has been spent mostly resting and trying to get over this damned cold!  Bleh!

Party and Tattoo Night

Last night was pretty fabulous and much needed.  It started with a gathering of coworkers at our favorite Mexican restaurant for "staff meetings".  We ate and chatted.  Most of us have tattoos, and the most uptight one among us expressed an interest in getting her first one.  And so a plan immediately developed that several of us would head over to a tattoo shop after dinner and help her pick one out.  She insisted she wouldn't get one right then, but the rest of us wanted to and hoped she would join in.

After telling the waiter at the restaurant we were also celebrating our manager's birthday, he brought her out a shot of tequila, and she was ready to go!  Just this past year she's gotten her first two tattoos and was the biggest instigator of last night's plan.  After many pictures, hugs and goodbyes five of us headed to the tattoo shop.

Big boss lady stayed with the tattoo virgin to make sure she didn't run away while I found out if they could work on us that night.  We hung out exploring options while waiting for our turn.  Three of us already knew what we wanted, but one girl didn't have her ID so couldn't get done.  The virgin found one she really liked but couldn't decide on placement (that's the story anyway).  So she stuck to her guns and hauled ass out of there.  The boss knew what she wanted, but it needed to be reworked some and couldn't be done last night.

So two of us got tattoos.  She and I have worked together for many years and are pretty close.  We'd been talking about getting one together for a long time.  She went first and took it like a champ.  The tattoo artist was wonderful and we all shared a smoke break before he started on me.  He drew on what I told him I wanted, and after a few adjustments, he got started.  I got an addition to my back, this being the fourth session on it.

Each piece is in the same style, but a little different.  I love how each one holds certain memories and reminds me of different parts of my life.  The first I got when I bought my first house.  The second I got with the ex-husband.  The third I got with my awesome roommate.  And this one I got with wonderful friends who just happen to be coworkers.

I can't wait for my next addition.

Puppy

I almost brought home this little one today.

She's an approximately twelve-week-old husky or malamute who was found on the side of a road.  I fell in love with her the minute I saw her sweet face.  She's got one brown eye and one blue, just like my current pup!  She was hungry, tired and covered in fleas and ticks.  She was mellow and just lied there while I went over her getting all the bad bugs off.  After her bath she almost fell asleep wrapped up in a towel in my arms.

I was so close to bringing her home for a trial run tonight but ultimately decided I shouldn't.  It was a hard decision (just look at that face!), but I feel it was the right one.  It would be one thing to take in either of the exs' dogs whose personalities I already know, but a puppy is a totally different story.  I'm not ready to train another pup.  I like how my current dog is totally housebroken and not at all destructive.  I'm definitely not ready to train another pup.  She'll find a good home with someone who can give her all the time she needs.

In other news, here are some updates:  I am not pregnant.  The roommate's sister and baby are not moving in.  She and I are back to our old awesome roommate ways now.  The ex-bf and I never took that day trip, but maybe this weekend or next.  I broke my lawnmower and almost chopped off my thumb, but not to worry... there's a new heavy duty swirly whirligig in town, and all my digits are in tact!

Hi There

Things have been good so far this week.  Other than a sprained ankle, I've been okay.  Thought I might be pregnant, but I think it's just side effects from the meds.  I'll find out next week.  I've actually been starting to fall for the ex-bf again.  We're still hanging out once a week, and things are amazing between us.  So far we've just been hanging out at his house mostly, but we're taking a day trip Sunday.  We'll see how that goes.  Maybe we could be right for each other.  Maybe over this next year we'll keep dating and see how it goes.  I don't know if that's smart or not, but I'm just kinda playing it all by ear.  It's not like anyone else is beating my door down.  Although I'm really not putting myself out there at all.  I could reach out to the professor and see if he's still interested, but it makes me nervous.  He knows I'm single now and hasn't contacted me.  Haven't really heard from him since February.  I don't know.  I'm not ready for more dating rejection yet.  Not sure if I'm ready for someone new anyway.

Had a Skype date with my sister and nephew this morning and am so excited that they're coming into town next weekend.  I miss them.  Had dinner and good conversation with my other sister and niece last night.  We all played, then the little one went to bed and we watched True Blood.  So much better this season.  Been watching Dexter with the ex-bf every Sunday night, and it'll be interesting to see how they end it.  I'm obsessed with How I Met Your Mother lately.  Since I'm back to no TV or cable, I've been Netflix-ing the entire series and watching it for the first time.  Love it!

So yep, that's my boring mini update.  Nothing much going on.  Just working and going day by day.  Exciting stuff.

And so, on this lazy day of doing nothing but resting my ankle, I leave you with a pic of my napping creatures just because they're adorable.

Baby Bird

This is my new little friend...

He/she chills outside in the back yard when it's nice out.  He's usually somewhere on the patio or camouflaged against the fence.  Momma is around sometimes, but it's usually just the little one.  He doesn't seem too scared of me, as he doesn't move when I go outside and lets me get pretty close for pictures.

I've never seen him fly, but he can surely hop.  He was right by the door one evening, and I didn't see him when letting the dog out.  The pup took off after him, and I got to them as the bird got to the fence and had nowhere else to go.  I think the pup was curious more than anything, but he scared the mess out of baby birdie.

It'll be interesting to see how long he sticks around.

Kinda Craptastic Things

It's crazy how people from your past can still affect you.  I got a FB message this morning from a guy I went to high school with who kinda made my life hell back then.  He was asking a work-related question, and now I'm thinking he may use the services of my workplace.  And for some reason, that's got me feeling all queasy inside.  I like to leave my past in the past.  I haven't seen him in probably eleven years, and I'd like to keep it that way.  I dunno.  Just weird.

I kinda saw some sea turtles released back into the ocean yesterday.  It was crazy crowded, but cool to kinda see them swimming away.  We got there late, and the best vantage point was from standing in the water a little ways.  My pants got a good bit wet.  As we were walking back to the car, I saw a man go to the farthest picnic table (which really wasn't that far) and totally strip down, dry off and change clothes.  Awkward, but he had a nice ass.  My "sister" drove, and I think we almost died about ten times.  Seriously, she drives crazy, and we almost rear ended people at least seven or eight times, no lie.  We went to a buffet pizza place for dinner, and she had her daughter try a bite of one of the dessert ones thinking she'd like it.  Nope.  That girl cried and screamed like I've never seen her before.  It was rather embarrassing.  She finally got her calmed down, but for some reason thought it would be a good idea to offer it to her again.  And the girl started crying and carrying on all over again.  It was awesome.  I do want kids, right?

I had a plan for today to get my first mortgage payment taken care of.  I went through a different bank than I normally use to get the home loan.  I just learned yesterday (although they said they'd told me with the original paperwork... nope!) that although I set up my mortgage loan through their bank, it had actually been serviced by another one.  The bank I normally use, actually.  I think I would have remembered them telling me that, but oh well.  I had been planning to go into my bank today to get an auto draft set up so I wouldn't have to deal with mailing checks, but I logged into my online account this morning and found my mortgage info sitting right there with a nice little "Make Payment" button.  So, there went my need to go into the bank and my plans to go grocery shopping afterward.  Now, on this lovely day off, I don't need to go anywhere.  I kinda do need food, but I'm content surviving off what little is here for the day and going shopping after work tomorrow.  Imma be a bum today.

I've been thinking more about the online dating thing, and I'm still not sure if I want to try it yet.  I created this little gem this morning...

I'd always wanted to attempt to make one, and figured I'd give it a shot.  It's funny, but it's also kinda not.  I'm 30, have no idea if I'll be able to get pregnant or not and really don't want to sort through all the BS that is dating.  Can't I just put it all out there and reel in a winner?  I don't think it works like that.

Once again I'm rethinking things with the ex-boyfriend.  We had dinner at his (our) place Monday night and watched a movie while cuddling on the couch.  Seriously, if he had given me half as much attention as he does now, I could have overlooked a ton of our other issues when we were together.  That's the kind of affection I need on a regular basis to feel secure.  If I feel loved by a guy, the other stuff doesn't seem as bad.  But are his other things that bad?  Would I want to have a lifelong partner like him even if he did give me that affection?  Ugh!  He's moving out this weekend, and I'm going over there Saturday evening to clean the carpets and whatever else needs to be done.  We've both pretty much implied that we want to have sex that night.  I think we've got to stop that if I have any chance of wanting to start to date again.  Do I want to let him go?