Here we go again...

I feel like such a terrible person sometimes.  Yesterday was another one of those times.  I got a call from one of my oldest friends and she told me she is pregnant.  She was one of the friends I hadn't spoken to for several months and called last week.  During that call we caught up and discovered that each of us was trying to get pregnant.  I told her my situation and she told me hers.  She went off birth control sometime around October but never got her period back.  She ended up changing her diet some and I think she just had her first normal cycle.  And now she's knocked up.

When I saw it was her calling yesterday I figured she had some kind of news since we'd just spoken those few days earlier.  Her voice sounded like it was going to be bad, but I guess she was just trying to be sensitive to my feelings since she knew our situation.  I really appreciated that.  I acted my little heart out and made my voice sound crazy excited and happy, which I was, but I was also heartbroken.

And I was jealous.

After we hung up I absolutely lost it.  I was crying and declaring how unfair it was.  And then I started judging.  She and her husband have always had some issues.  They fight a lot.  She cheated on him less than a year ago and they were briefly separated after that.  They'd been separated a time or two before that also.  She freakin left the state and lived with a friend for months last year.  How could they be the ones to get pregnant so easily?  Why wasn't it us, the ones in a loving and committed relationship who are there for each other no matter what?  She has her flaws, but I love her to death and felt terrible all night for thinking like that.  For thinking that I somehow deserve it more than she does.

She is part of a family of four girls who I've known since I was eight when we moved in down the road from them.  They welcomed me as another sister and made me feel very included in their family.  They were a "real" family with a mother and a father, which I'd always wanted.  I was at their house more than I was my own, and we grew up together.  When the first of them got married it was like the event of the year.  She was doted upon and got everything she wanted.  When the two oldest graduated college they were given trips to New York City.  I've always been jealous of all that.  I've always wanted what they had, even though I had a family of my own who treated me wonderfully.

I have wanted to be the first of us five to get pregnant.  Unfairly and selfishly, I wanted to have the attention from them that would go with being the first.  I felt yesterday that whenever I do manage to get pregnant, to them it will not be as special anymore.  Like just another friend who's pregnant.  But it would never be as special for them anyway because I'm not really their blood family.  They'll be excited, of course, but not like I was an actual sister.  How could I expect it to be?  I'm 800 miles away and rarely see or talk to them, although I hate that we don't keep in touch more.  I don't understand why I still compare myself and my accomplishments to them and theirs.  I always thought I would get over it as I got older, but I'm still jealous.  I still feel so childish in that respect.

Today I've been trying to be more accepting of the situation.  Her pregnancy has nothing to do with my future one, and everyone will be very happy whenever I do get to announce similar good news.  I guess more than anything I'm sad that yet another friend is pregnant and I am not.  At least they're all back home where I don't have to see them every day.  I'm not sure I could deal with that.

Aw, Shucks!

I woke up yesterday morning to a nice surprise.  I sat down at the computer and discovered I'd been nominated for my very first blogging award!  How awesome is that?  I'm pretty new to the whole blogging community... I started doing this in June of last year and didn't really think anyone would read it.  Many thanks to Oak at The Acorn Chronicles for the award!  She made my day!

Now, this being my first award, I had no idea what it meant.  Well, I did, but I wasn't sure what to do with it.  I wondered if I got to proudly display my award and write a post like hers.  I ended up stalking the other blogs she nominated and e-mailed her like a dork for further confirmation.  She was awesome and said that I do in fact get to, so....

Here's how this works:

1.  Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award

2.  Share 7 things about yourself

3.  Award some recently discovered bloggers that are deserving

4.  Contact those bloggers and let them know about the award

So, about me...

1.  The husband and I first met on myspace almost four years ago, back when myspace was the thing.  I'd written a blog there about being single (in which I totally lied about how fine with it I was) and he stumbled across it and felt the need to comment.  Thank goodness he did or else I'd probably still be single.  He prefers to tell people that we met at the beach, which technically is where we first met in person.  Anyways, he's the perfect guy and totally gets me.  :)

2.  More than anything I want to become a mother.  I've known since I was a teenager that all I really wanted to do was fall head over heels in love with a wonderful man and have a family.  Well, I've fallen and now we're trying.  We're having some troubles, but we're staying positive that it'll happen for us soon.

 3.  I'm a Carolina Girl who finds herself now in Mississippi and will probably be moving to Tennessee soon.  This past summer was the hottest freakin one I've ever been through, yet we've had more snow so far this winter than I saw during the last few years back in NC.  I wish it were always autumn.

4.   I love 80s music.  I was born in '83 and was too young to appreciate it when it was actually going on, but during my early teenage years I rediscovered it.  I remember my mom listening to Bruce Hornsby & The Range all the time in the 80s and I'm still in love with them.  She also listened to Kenny G a lot, but I never shared in that particular liking with her.

5.  I'm trying to learn about photography.  I've been interested in it since high school but never pursued it.  I received a beautiful camera this past Christmas along with some books and have been reading all about it.  I'm really loving it so far!

6.  I first met my father a few years ago.  I was an only child growing up and lived with my mother and grandmother, then later the man that became my stepdad.  My mom never told me anything about my father and I was too nervous to ask again after she shot me down for info when I was younger.  I finally got the nerve and asked her again a few months before my wedding so I could try to find out about his family medical history.  I ended up tracking him down and found out I also have three siblings!  We don't really talk now, but I feel more complete knowing where my hazel eyes and the other half of me come from.

7.  This one's more about the blog, but anyway... Over the months I've mainly had visitors from my fertility charting site, but have discovered that people have stumbled upon it from other sources.  Some of those are from web searches.  One was from a search of "operate on my toe" which took that person to a story of an evil foot doctor who told me I probably shouldn't ever have children.  Although he was joking, he came off like a total prick and probably was in the other aspects of his life as well.  A more interesting search that brought someone here was "sek preggo doktor .com".  Now when I plugged those words into my search engine looking for a little translation (although it's pretty obvious what most of them mean) I wasn't too happy that my little blog popped up for this person.  It brought them to this post which they must have liked because it was repeatedly viewed for weeks.

And now for the nominations.  I only have a couple because I've been bad and have only been reading a few of my regular ones lately.  And most of those have been around for quite a while and are pretty established.  I guess I need to venture out some.

 
Scribbles and Giggles: A Mommy Blog is written by a chick named Tricia who started out as an online cycle buddy and is now a wonderful friend!  She is a great source of support on this TTC journey.  Love ya girl!

Kim at The Infertile Stepmom writes about TTC her first while helping to raise her husband's children from another marriage.  It's pretty inspiring.

I so wish I had more, but I'll work on it.

So you're a funny guy, huh?

The husband pulled the old rubber-band-on-the-kitchen-sink-sprayer joke on me last night.  He did it so well too.  I can't keep a straight face during a joke to save my life, so I'm always impressed when others can.  As I was walking into the kitchen he asked me to get him a glass of water.  I asked if he wanted ice.  No.  I asked if he wanted it from the jug in the fridge.  To this he also said no, which should have been a red flag because he always wants it so cold it hurts your teeth.  But no, I didn't catch on and actually double confirmed that he wanted it from the tap.  Yep.

So I grabbed a cup from the cabinet and moseyed over to the sink.  I was staring at an onion on the counter that has sprouted since bringing it home, pondering how long we've had it and didn't notice the bright purple rubber band wrapped around the sprayer nozzle.  The water came shooting out at me freezing cold, startling the complete mess out of me.  I screamed and jumped aside causing everything on the front of the fridge to get soaked.  Water was everywhere.

The husband came running in laughing but worried because of the shrill shriek he'd heard.  He thought I had slipped because that is definitely something I would do.  I threw the cup at him.  It's funny in hindsight, but I was only slightly amused at first.  More shocked because he doesn't do stuff like that very often.  Thanks, husband. ;)

So, I need ideas of what to do to reciprocate.  What to do??

Keeping Busy

I've done a complete 180 from yesterday.  I feel pretty good!  Woke up feeling okay and took the puppy to the vet.  He has a tendency to get motion sickness in the car and he didn't let me down with it today.  Icky, yes.  Poor thing looked so pitiful.  He's much better now and done with all his puppy shots.

I had lunch at a local sub shop with the husband and the roommate then came home and continued working on some bread dough I started last night.  I got the recipe from my in-laws and I'm not sure I'm doing it right.  It may not look so pretty, but I bet it'll taste good.

Today I even called up some friends I haven't spoken to in months!  I haven't really felt like talking to anybody lately, so I jumped to it when I felt the urge to call.  All I got were voice mails, but that's okay.  Called my parents too and had a nice little chat.

Today I feel like everything's going to be okay.  I'm truly trying to take to heart what Lloyd Dobler said and actually do it.  It's working so far I think.  Maybe I just need to stay busy like I have been today.  I haven't had time to think about much of anything, which has been kind of nice.  We'll see if I can do it again tomorrow.

I ♥ Lloyd Dobler, but...

In the movie Say Anything he asked, "Why can't you be in a good mood?  How hard is it to decide to be in a good mood and be in a good mood once in a while?"  It's hard.  I've been trying.

I've been a basket case the past few days.  I'm okay, then I'm not, then I'm really not.  I feel like I'm about to jump out of my skin half the time.  I cry out of sheer frustration with myself.  The husband is trying his hardest to be supportive, but it's wearing on him.

Barely two weeks off of the anti-depressants and I feel like I'm right back where I started.  I think I've always dealt with bouts of mild depression, but I started feeling it worse this past time after I'd been unable to get a job and we decided to take what we thought would be a year long TTC break.  I felt worthless and like I was just taking up space.  Now I have something to look forward to... we're moving in four months to a bigger town where I'll probably be able to get a job and we're going to start TTC again next month.  But I don't feel any better.  I still feel hopeless and I don't know why.

The husband wants me to make an appointment with a psychiatrist, but we can't afford for me to have regular appointments.  Can an OBGYN prescribe anti-depressants?  She's the only doctor I regularly see.  The doctor in Memphis said I should give her a heads up to keep an eye on me for postpartum, so maybe?  I'm nervous about if I should even go back on meds if we may be pregnant soon.  I want to tough this out and get past it on my own, but I don't feel like I'm making any progress.

For some reason I think that once I get pregnant my mood will magically lift because being a mom is what I've wanted my entire life.  That once I get pregnant I'll have something real and wonderful to focus on and have no reason to be sad.  But that's not realistic, is it?  I'm sure it can't work like that.  I've been thinking similarly about moving too... that once we're there I'll be able to get a job right away and be contributing again and feel all better.  But then I think logically and wonder if that will really happen.  I get scared that my anxiety will get in the way of it and I'll totally freak like I did last time.  It's embarrassing and I hate it.  I get worked up just thinking about it.

I just don't know what to do.

It gets to him too...

The husband has never really discussed how he's felt about us not being able to get pregnant yet.  He is always strong and reassuring, especially when I have my little breakdowns about it.  He knows it'll happen for us one day and he's excited for that day.

But it got to him yesterday.  He came home from work bummed out and said he wasn't really sure why.  He'd just had a blah day.  So we went out to dinner and came home to another mini Sopranos marathon.  In the middle of an episode where one lady thought she was pregnant he said, "Something pissed me off today."  So I paused the show and we started talking.  A guy he works with told him around Christmastime that he thought he and his wife would start trying for their second child soon.  Yesterday he announced, "Yep, she's pregnant."  Barely a month later.  He'd been debating about telling me because he didn't want to upset me.  I told him I always want to hear about what he's feeling.

He was sad.  It's happening so quickly for people all around us, and it's getting harder to deal with each announcement.  I never thought it really bothered him because he's never said much about it.  I think he's trying to stay strong for me.  He's such a wonderful man, and I want to make him a daddy so badly.

Slow Week

I may have spoken too soon.  The husband hasn't been able to contact the chef in Nashville because his boss still hasn't given him the info.  But he did come into the restaurant yesterday and told him about their conversation.  Apparently the chef in Nashville said he wasn't sure if he'll have an opening in May, but if he doesn't he'll help him get a job at another restaurant in town.  He also offered to help us find a place to live... how nice!

So the husband is bummed that the job isn't secured and freaking out a little because that's the place he really wants to work.  It's very similar to the kind of restaurant he hopes to open one day, and he thinks he'd be able to learn a lot there.  I'm so hoping it works out for him.  I don't like a worried husband!

Not much going on this week on my end.  I've been very happily exploring my new obsession and learning about my new camera and photography.  My other obsession of looking at houses online dominates a good portion of my day... even though none of those places will be available in four months.  Why do I do it?  I was strangely happy when AF arrived even though I had no reason to think she wouldn't.  I guess it's a good feeling knowing my body is working somewhat correctly.  It snowed again last night for a couple of hours and was pretty.

I think the highlight of the week has been the two nights in a row of red wine.  It makes me happy.  We haven't been getting any of it lately because mid-twenties boys like beer, and that's what they've been buying. It's nice to have a glass or two (or three) of wine and feel like an adult again.

It's Definitely NASHVILLE!

It's official!  Well, 90% official I guess, and it happened in the span of about an hour this morning.  The husband likes to get big decisions like this made early, so he wanted to get a job secured now so we can start looking for a place to live.  He e-mailed the chef this morning and very politely asked if he would call the chef in Nashville at his earliest convenience to see about him working there.  Barely an hour later he got a reply.

"Done.  Just talked with him.  He will be expecting your call and I'll pass on his contact info when I get home."

Just like that!  How freakin fantastic!!  He hasn't gotten the contact information yet so he hasn't been able to talk to the chef just yet, but we're hoping it's pretty much a done deal.  We're both so excited!

And now it's my job to find a house.  He's been hounding me to look for one for weeks, and duh, of course I have been because I love house hunting!  Really no sarcasm there... this will be our fourth move (his fifth actually) in the past four years, and the house hunting is my absolute favorite part.  Looking at all sorts of properties until you find the perfect one... I love it!

Anyways, I found this little number about ten minutes out of town...

It's a 2 bed, 2.5 bath, 1350 square foot condo with a fenced patio that is right in our price range.  There's a fireplace and a decent sized kitchen and each bedroom has a little balcony.  We're still leaning more towards a stand alone house, but look at this thing!  It's so freakin lively and bright!

It's bigger than what we're in now and much cheaper.  There's not much I've seen actually in Nashville that is anywhere near this nice for this price.  I wasn't sure what the husband would think of it, especially because it has so much...

... pink!

He really liked it though, but did ask if we would be allowed to paint.  You can definitely tell it was designed for a girly girl.  I mean, a chandelier in the closet?  Together it all does seem over the top, but it definitely calls out to my inner princess.

I'm sure it'll be gone by the time we're ready to lay some moo-lah down for a deposit somewhere, but I wanted to share it.  It definitely wouldn't be a place to settle down in, but it would be cool to live there for awhile until we decide if we'd like to look for a more permanent residence in the area or move on to another town.  I hope there's this good of a deal around come May.

There's probably going to be a few more posts like these between now and then. :)

Forward and Backward Steps

Saturday night I took my last dose of birth control!  Yay!!  It feels so good to be rid of those tiny pills and the 8pm alarm to be reminded to take them every single night.  I couldn't stand it anymore and reactivated my account on my charting site.  It's so nice to be back on the forums there reading what everyone's going through on their journeys to parenthood.

I think we're really going to be moving to Nashville in May!  The husband had a talk with the chef Friday and told him about our plans of leaving in a few months.  The chef said he will not only write him a letter of recommendation but also personally call any restaurant the husband wants to work for and try to get him a job!  How awesome is that?!  We totally weren't expecting anything like that, and with this chef's name and recognition behind him, he can probably get a job just about anywhere he wants.  He's been really hopeful about one restaurant in Nashville, and the chef here is friends with the chef there, so I'm really thinking that it'll work out.  I'm so proud of him!

My diet went to hell over the weekend!  Haha.  After picking up the roommate from the airport Friday, we met up with the husband for dinner and I got BBQ nachos with tons of sauce and the disgustingly delicious nacho cheese.  Sigh.  Saturday morning I tried to be good again, but the husband brought home fantastic junk food after work, and that set the food tone through Sunday evening.  We had burgers and hot dogs and chips (when was the last time you had Bugles?... oooh, and being a Carolina Girl I couldn't pass up the new Lay's Tangy Carolina BBQ chips... awesome, even though it was SC style) and grilled cheeses and peanut butter/Doritos sandwiches (seriously, you have to try it!), then made a special trip to the store last night to get everything needed for baked ziti after a mini Sopranos marathon.  It was delicious too.  I just drank a Special K shake and will try to climb back on board and stay there all week.  There are leftovers in the fridge calling out to me though... must resist.

I started taking Alli last week.  After reading about the consequences of eating badly while on it I was too scared to use it this weekend, although that would have been the absolute perfect time to.  I'm sure I'd be suffering for it today though.  It's suggested that women wear a pantyliner until they get used to it, but I keep wondering what the men are supposed to do??

I'll leave you now with that pleasant picture in your mind.

Stop, halt, cease, desist...

So I just re-read my last post and geez... paranoid much?  Every now and then I'll have a day like that and stress over every little thing.  Yesterday was just one of those days I guess.  It's over now.  I know I'm ready to do whatever is necessary to have a baby and start our family.  That is what I want with all my heart.  Be it through Clomid, laparoscopy, or whatever else, I'm ready for it.  We've waited long enough and the timing feels right.  I'm feeling hopeful again.

Apparently I took my last anti-depressant pills last night.  My appointment went very well today, except that it took a few tries to get a sample for the blood work... ouch!  I met with the doctor and went through all the routine questions, then together we decided it's okay for me to stop cold turkey.  So I'm done!  I have to go back in two weeks just for a follow up visit, but I'm done with the meds.  There's a mandatory 30-day period that I agreed not to get pregnant in, and after that we're free to try again!

I've decided to keep taking the birth control pills for a few more days or so for totally selfish reasons.  Exactly one month from today is my birthday, and the husband and I are meeting up with the in-laws in Nashville to celebrate my and their February birthdays.  As a gift, the in-laws have gotten us a room in a very nice hotel, and that is right about the time AF would be arriving again if I stopped the birth control today.  I'd like to enjoy that hotel room (wink, wink) so I'll wait a bit longer and try to time it so AF doesn't spoil the big 2-8.  You know what they say about the best laid plans though, and we all know AF will do whatever the hell she feels like.  Just keep your fingers crossed for me please... haha.  Seriously though, I'd appreciate it.

***I deleted the post referenced in the first paragraph because I got a little embarrassed when I read it again.  It was mainly me just sorting through some thoughts about starting TTC again, possibly taking Clomid, and the endo.  I figured I would save people from having to read that novel and then thinking "What the hell is wrong with her?".***

Delicious Days

So I haven't been completely faithful in following my diet.  I started a week ago today but had to re-start last Thursday.  What can I say... the husband is persuasive with his culinary wiles.  I have been mostly following the rules since then, but my supposed "sensible dinners" haven't always been completely sensible.  I did somehow manage to turn down waffles with mac & cheese and summer sausage on top.  It sounds totally disgusting, but the one bite I had was one of the most delicious things I think I've ever tasted.  I decided I want that as my birthday cake next month.

Because I've been cheating a little I've been too scared to hop on the Wii Fit scale... our real scale went the way of the Christmas tree during our last move too, thank goodness.  I'll find out tomorrow though when I go back to Memphis for my rescheduled un-drugging appointment.  The snow we got this weekend required a cancellation, but that's okay because the husband and I had a fantastic day.  For breakfast we made the waffles that later led to the previously mentioned food masterpiece.  The rest of the day we enjoyed the snow then lazed around and enjoyed having the house to ourselves (the roommate flew home for a week!).  ;)

I played in the snow like I haven't since I was little (my old lady back has since let me know that I can't do that much anymore though).  Our big dog loves catching snowballs and she was destroying them as fast as I could make them.  She and the puppy had a phenomenal time and played for hours.

Happy Snow Day!

I Want This House

Isn't it beautiful?  I love the old bungalow/craftsman style houses and I can hear this one calling out my name.  It was built in 1913, has 2,900 square feet, has been renovated and fixed up all purdy like.  3 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, 2 fireplaces!  Sigh...

It's in Nashville, TN, which is where we'll most likely be moving in a few months.  That is if the husband gets a job there.  We've also been looking at Portland, OR, and a couple of places in NC.  But we'd really like to go to Nashville. 

Anyways, this house seems (to me at least) to be priced crazy low... weird neighborhood maybe?  Not that we'll be looking (or could even afford) to buy again anytime soon, but I fell in love with this house as soon as I saw it.  Don't know why I was searching for houses for sale... maybe just to see what's available should we decide to settle down there.

I want to one day have a big house that our kids can bring their families back to for holidays and such with plenty of room for everyone plus more.  That would be so nice.  Until then we'll be renting and searching for that town to call home.  For now we're enjoying wandering around.

Me vs. My Stomach

Today I'm starting the "Special K Challenge".  I like how they call it a challenge and not a diet.  Although do they mean it like "I challenge you to a duel" or that it'll be a challenge to actually do it?  Anyways...

I've gained some weight lately, and it really shows in my face.  And midsection.  And my watch doesn't fit anymore, so I assume in my wrists too.  My mom wants me to post more pictures of myself on our family blog, but I don't want anyone from back home to see me like this.  My facebook pics are all at least a year old cause I don't allow people to take pictures of me anymore.

I'm not crazy overweight, but I could definitely stand to lose some poundage.  Thirty or so would get me back to where I feel comfortable with how I look, but I'm aiming a little lower to start out with.  I'd like to lose maybe fifteen before our trip back home in March or April.  I also want to lose some before we get pregnant.  I always hoped I'd be one of those adorable pregnant women who look completely normal except for their cute round bellies, although that's probably unlikely for me even if I were the definition of skinny.  It definitely couldn't hurt our chances of getting pregnant though, and that's what I'm more concerned about at this point.

The husband and I tried the South Beach diet this time last year, but we couldn't keep it going for very long.  We did lose weight, but we were hungry all the time and didn't want to live like that.  I figure the Special K way is possible for me.  I love cereal and eat it all the time anyway, so it should be a piece of cake, right?  (Mmm... cake...)  I loaded up with enough cereal, bars and shakes at the grocery store yesterday to get me through a week or so, and I'll reevaluate after that.  I'm hoping that since I'm documenting it here I'll hold myself more accountable and actually stick to it.

This morning started with a small bowl of cereal.  Small for me anyways.  I usually fill a bowl up to the tippy top, but I'm playing by the rules now.  One serving is one cup of cereal and half a cup of milk.  That's it.  I must have been eating like three servings before... geez.  Lunch was a chocolate shake, and the two snacks are cereal bars.  The sensible dinner?  Probably a can of soup or something.  Can you tell the husband's at work tonight?  Tomorrow's our regular Pizza Wednesday, and we usually make our own, so I'm going to have to find a way to healthy it up a bit.

I'm hungry.

Exciting News!

We’re going to start trying to get pregnant again!! I am so ecstatic! And relieved… I think because it feels like we’re moving forward again. During our break I’ve felt stuck, like I was just trying to keep busy to pass the time until we were ready to try again. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom and have a family, and we’re actually going to be working on it again!

The talk with the husband this past weekend went really well, obviously. First we revisited the reason we initiated our TTC break… our financial situation. Over the past few months we haven’t really made any headway in that area, and we realized that we probably won’t anytime soon and that we don’t care anymore. We probably won’t be financially secure for at least ten more years, if ever, so screw it.

Then we moved on to how we want to go about it this time, now that we know we’ll probably need help. He said I should go first since I’d been chomping at the bit ever since that text message last week... he’s so sweet! I told him my ideas for a tentative plan of action, then he told me his thoughts on it all, and together we came up with a definitive plan.

First off is possibly getting “weaned” off the anti-depressants. There may be a taper-down period to ease the transition back to a “drug-free” life. After that, there’s probably a suggested minimum amount of time to wait before getting pregnant to let the meds leave my system, probably thirty days. I find all that out at my appointment next Monday. I guess we’re probably looking at about a month and a half before we actually get to start trying again.

My last day of anti-depressants will also be my last day of birth control (yay!). That next month will allow my body to rid any residual stuff from the meds and also (hopefully) to return to my normal menstrual cycle. During that time I’ll contact my wonderful lady doctor to confirm that she still wants me to try the Clomid. If so, we’ll give that a go for a few months, and if nothing, I’ll send my records to the endometriosis specialists in Atlanta to see what they have to say. But not before the husband gets a semen analysis… he wasn’t too happy about that, but agreed that he’d definitely do it before surgery.

I’d had concerns about possibly taking Clomid since I already ovulate on my own, but I feel better about it now after reading more information. Apparently if the endo has affected either of the ovaries, it’s possible the egg doesn’t fully develop before ovulation, meaning it couldn’t be fertilized. The Clomid boosts the hormones, hopefully making a more mature egg and therefore causing a “stronger” ovulation. I’d heard that term before and not fully understood what it meant, so yay for learning new things. :)

Sorry this has been another long one… I’m just so excited! Hope everyone had a safe and wonderful New Year’s celebration! 2011… wow. I’m so hoping it’ll be a good year!