Sunday, May 14, 2017

My Mom Has Cancer

Um.... what the fuck is happening right now?  I could very possibly lose both of my parents very soon.  How the hell is this happening?

A few weeks ago my mother started having some issues and went to have them checked out.  The doctors did numerous tests and procedures, and several days ago it was confirmed that she has cancer.  It's the exact same place my grandmother had it, but it's spread to other places in my mother.  It's not curable but is treatable.  She has her first appointment with a cancer specialist this week, so we'll know more soon.

I am just in shock.  She's always been my rock, and I can't even begin to fathom being without her.  Even now, she's so stoic about it all.  She says she's accepted it and is not scared of dying.  She doesn't want anyone to know, doesn't want a pity party, and wants my stepdad and me to remain optimistic.

I'm just... numb.  Even though she says she's not scared, she's got to be.  She says what worries her is the leaving people behind, and I can understand that.  But I'm so worried about what she'll be going through.  She says she has discomfort now, but no real pain.  She's noticeably weaker and loses energy very quickly.  She just retired and was looking forward to getting out and doing things, and now she can't.  It's so freakin heartbreaking.

I don't even know what else to say.  I can't seem to stop crying.

Happy Mother's Day.

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