Whole30

Today has been a fun-filled one full of cooking.  And I don't even like cooking.

My chiropractor has been getting on me lately about trying the Whole30 program to see if it could help with the inflammation around my back and also improve my health in general.  At first I kinda considered it, but didn't really look into it.  I knew it meant cutting out grain goods and dairy and I didn't think I could do it.  I didn't want to.

A couple of weeks ago she suggested it again, and for some reason I started doing some research.  Then something switched in my brain, and I started really wanting to do it.  I've been overweight for several years now, and that spare tire has not been good for my already fragile self-esteem and confidence.  I knew this would be a good way to seriously attempt to lose some weight, and it would only be thirty days.  I figured I could do that.

And so I did.  I knew there would be a birthday potluck for a girl at work that would have particularly delicious dishes, so I chose to start the day after that, which was Tuesday.  I am currently on Day 5 and going strong.  Day 1 was good, but Days 2 & 3 kicked my ass.  I had pounding headaches and no energy at all.  I guess from all the bad junk leaving my body?  I was craving everything I couldn't have, and it didn't help that there were tons of sweet goodies at work.

But I've resisted, and it's paying off.  As of yesterday I've already lost four pounds!  I weighed myself three times to make sure the scale was correct, and even then I wasn't convinced.  I've never lost that much is such a short period of time.  You're not supposed to weigh yourself at all during the thirty days, but I just couldn't help it.  I really wanted to see if I'd made any progress, and knowing that I have has given me even more determination to keep with it.

I didn't plan for the start of it very well, and I got pretty bored of the food.  I'd eat a couple of eggs for breakfast and have some tea.  I am not a fan of tea and actually went back to coffee today and added a little coconut milk and cinnamon.  I'd have some fruit and leftovers for lunch.  For dinner every single night I was making chicken and vegetables.  It was good, but it was getting rough.

This week I've prepped much better!  I looked up recipes and stocked up at the grocery store.  I did a lot of cooking today so there won't be quite as much through the week.

Firstly, I made ghee!  I'm not sure I've ever even tried it, but I'm getting tired of cooking everything with EVOO and needed another option.  Plus I figured if it involved butter it had to be good!  I followed this recipe from The Healthy Foodie.  It was pretty simple, and I can't wait to try it tomorrow!

Freshly made and a few hours later

Next I wanted to make the meatballs found here at Stay Fit Mom.  I changed the recipe a little by using ground turkey instead of beef and left out the onions.  They were so good!  I wanted the spaghetti and meatballs experience, so I used a peeler to make zucchini "noodles" and threw together a makeshift tomato sauce.  All together they made a pretty damn good dish.

I had some extra turkey and pork left over and decided to try my hand at the scotch eggs from Stupid Easy Paleo.  I medium-ish boiled the eggs and left out the spice mix and honey.  Basically it was just meat and sea salt, but it seriously tasted like some sausage.  These are going to be part of my breakfasts this week.

They look rough but, my, are they tasty.

I'm so glad I started the Whole30 and am pretty stoked to hopefully continue seeing results.  And I'm super excited to try more of the recipes I've found.  I really hope that after the thirty days I'll want to keep up the healthy eating and stick to a mostly Paleo diet.  Well, we'll see.  At least healthier anyway.

Pay it Forward

About a year and a half ago when my awesomest of roommates got married, she asked me to make the cake.  I looked forever for a fitting topper and finally found it two days before the wedding.  Across the country.  It was on Etsy, and I asked the artist if she could ship it overnight.  She didn't get the message until the next day, but she could still ship it so it would arrive right before the ceremony.  I paid for the standard overnight charges and was all excited to get it.  I told the artist what it was for, and she said she wanted pictures.  Then I got another email from her saying that the shipping charge would be some absolutely obscene amount of money more.  Which I just did not have.  Extremely bummed, I told her I couldn't afford the extra.  And she wrote back...

It will be there tomorrow morning.  Have a great Christmas :)  Pay it forward ♥

And today I finally did.  I've been trying to sell my wedding dress for several years.  I paid around $800 for it brand new in 2008.  I started posting it on Craigslist back in 2011 or so and was asking in the $600 range.  No takers.  I dropped a hundred bucks off of it every time I relisted it, taking a few months in between each one.  Then I just stopped for a while.  I was tired of trying.  Then a couple of months ago I put it up again... at $60.  Someone freakin tagged it as inappropriate, so it was removed.  I think it was the person who I said I wouldn't ship it to.  It clearly said local pick up only.  Oh well.

I figured I'd give it another shot last week and relisted at $60 again.  Yesterday I got an email from a lady asking if I'd take $30.  I asked if she would come up to $40, and she replied, "I can do $35 and pick it up tomorrow."  Deal.  I was ready to be done with it.  As much as I loved it, it's been a constant reminder of another life just hanging in the closet.

We met this evening, and said she was getting it for her niece.  As I put it back in the garment bag she commented how it was even prettier in person.  She held out the money, and I shook my head.  I told her she could have it and that I hoped her niece loves it as much as I did.  I was tearing up as the words came out and I tried so hard not to actually cry.  When I shut the door behind her, I was remembering the day that I wore it.  I am actually sad to see it go but very glad it can be beautiful on another bride.

Bittersweet.

Better Updates

Not as grouchy as the last post, but there have been moments this past week.  Overall it's been okay.  Been making progress on some things.

- My car is getting fixed in about two weeks, and the rental car peeps will pick me up at the shop.  The other person's insurance is paying for it all.

- Had my last physical therapy appointment yesterday, and we've determined that it's not doing any good.  I see the surgeon next week and am going to be firm about getting an MRI.  Not good progress on this one, but at least it's something.

- Thought I had another promising roommate prospect, but then... nope.  What's up with all the flakes?

- I've started the Whole30 diet thing.  My chiropractor has been pushing me towards it lately because she thinks it can help with inflammation in my back.  I'm only on day two, but so far so good.  I am totally craving all the bad things though.  It's gonna be a long month, but I'm determined.

- I've started couponing some, mainly during super doubles week.  This week I spent about $28 dollars and saved $115!  Absolute craziness.

Eh, I guess that's about it for now.  Exciting stuff, I know.

Grouchy

- Put up ad on C-list for the room, get several promising responses, back and forth with a couple of them, send applications... never hear back.

- Texting with Dakota Guy all night who said he wasn't doing anything for the evening, get tired of texting, call him 30 seconds after his last text, no answer and no more texts... I know your phone is right fucking beside you!

- Back hurts, physical therapy making it hurt more and therapist saying, "Good!"... frustrated and tearing up on treadmill hoping no one sees me brushing them away.

- Physical therapy aggravating bursitis in shoulder... come on!

- Still haven't heard from the lawyer about getting my car fixed from the accident... what's the hold up?!

- Scroll through FB and my old dog pops up as a someone I might know... start bawling.

- All over FB that it's National Breastfeeding Week, see articles, people I know posting pics, their mothers calling them Breastfeeding Goddesses... terrified I will never get to do that.

- Dinner with two "sisters", their kids and parents at the parents' house, see them all one big happy family, grandparents on floor playing, scared that 1- I'll never get to have kids, 2- My back will never be strong enough for me to do all that when I'm older... rushing to bathroom to hide tears.

- Two parking spaces in front of my house, one has not been occupied for a couple of months and the whole neighborhood knows it, neighbors let their guest park in it for four days now, never asked if it was cool, I would have said yes, but it's the principle of the thing... grr.

- Same neighbors' dog comes out when I'm happily playing with my dog and instigates fence fighting... why???

Yes, AF is in town.

Dates and Roommates

I'm freakin out, man.  I signed up for a roommate finder website, and there weren't a lot of options.  I've contacted a couple of people so far, but the first stopped responding after he got pictures and the other hasn't replied yet.  If the second doesn't today, I'm going to have to post an ad on...

C r a i g s l i s t !!!

Cue the shrieking.

To be fair, I have had a lot of pleasant transactions occur from that site.  I've sold stuff, discovered several of my past residences, and actually found my last roommate who turned into a best friend.  But I've also been contacted by some creepers, and that's what makes me the most nervous.

Last time I was looking for someone to join me in finding a rental.  This time I'm inviting someone into my house, my home and place of comfort.  I need to be able to trust them, especially with my pets.  Guess I'll just have to develop a very strict screening process.  Or I could just chill the eff out and trust my instinct with whoever applies.  We'll see.

In other news, the guy I went out with asked for another date.  I kind of told him I just wanted to be friends, and he seemed cool with it.  Said he still wants to hang out which would be nice because we did have an enjoyable time.

The next weekend I hung out with his cousin (by marriage... does that still count?) for an evening.  I'd actually be holding out on finding a roommate the past couple of months in hopes that he'd be able to rent the room, but it didn't work out.  I used to work with him, and he's an entire decade younger than me, but the night was pretty fun.  He offered to drive because he knew I wanted to drink.  It was cool to hang out with a guy with no pressure or expectations.

I've been talking (texting) to Dakota Guy (what I'm now calling the guy I've known forever and asked out a couple of months ago) a lot still.  We spoke on the phone last night for the first time in awhile.  Our conversations are always at least a couple of hours long and quite enjoyable.  We text pretty much daily, and I really like the feeling of having someone to check in on every now and then.  I miss that from being in a relationship.  The light flirting is also pretty nice.

Testing the Waters

I went on a date last night.  My first first date in over three years, and I was pretty proud of myself.  I was nervous, but not overly so.  I came off as pretty confident (I think) and was surprisingly half decent at the conversation.  He seemed shy or nervous or something and didn't talk a whole lot at first, and I was pretty happy with myself as I kept the conversation going.  Something I'm rarely able to do.

He actually offered to pick me up, which surprised me.  We went to dinner then walked around for a bit.  We ended up on a bench by the water where we talked for a long time as we watched the lightning show from a storm offshore.  When we realized how late it had gotten, he drove me home.  We said our goodbyes from the truck with no mention of seeing each other again from either of us.

Which is fine.  He seemed really nice, but I don't think we have much in common at all.  And he's shorter than me.  I know that really doesn't matter, but I've always been weird about it.

And for some strange reason, I don't think I'm destined to be with a southern boy.  Dates with them have never led to another, and all the relationships I've been in have been with guys from the north or midwest.  Weird.

I've been thinking about my ex-husband more lately.  I think it's because I've been really missing that deep, close connection with someone.  That feeling of being all in and knowing they want you for who you are.  Which I haven't felt in the many years since him because I don't think I ever truly had it with the most recent ex.  But my husband was my first love, and I keep wondering if you ever get to have that feeling again with someone else.  Does it work like that?

Que Sera, Sera

"What screws us up most in life 

is the picture in our heads
of how it's supposed to be."

I've seen this quote around the internet a lot lately, and it's got me thinking.  Since I was in high school I've pictured myself falling in love with a man and having children with him.  Of course we'd have trials along the way, but overall we'd have our own happily ever after.  Or whatever the real life equivalent of that is.  And I've never questioned it.  In my mind that's just how it's supposed to be.

But what if it's not?

Maybe I'm not actually going to have a lifelong partner.  Maybe I'll be with different people and enjoy the time with each of them while it's good.  Maybe they'll each be serious for a while, or maybe they'll all be casual.  Or it could be a mix.

Maybe I won't ever have children.  Maybe I won't actually create a little life and feel it grow inside of me.  Maybe my body's not capable of it.  Maybe adoption won't ever be an option.  Maybe I'll never be financially able to support someone other than myself.

It's sad and a little scary to think that the major things you've always wanted just might not happen.  But it's also kind of liberating at the same time.  It could be the "live for today" mentality starting up.  Or that old saying "stop trying and it'll happen" that everyone loves to tell you.  Or maybe it's just me getting tired of being disappointed... "You can't be disappointed if you have no expectations." 

I don't know if I believe in fate.  Are things really meant to be?  Does everything happen for a reason?  Looking back I can see how things that have happened have led to other important things, many times good.  And that brings comfort when you're going through a hard time.  But is that how it was supposed to go down, or was it just coincidence?

Maybe there's another purpose for my life.

Maybe I just suck at relationships.

Maybe I'll find out one day.

Accident

I've been very lucky through the years with driving.  There have been some close calls, but I've never had so much as a traffic ticket, let alone been in an accident.  Until this past week.  I was driving to work and got rear ended at a light.  I got hit hard and pushed into the car ahead of me.  It scared me pretty badly, and I think I was in some form of shock for a little while.  I was kind of spacey and shaky.  And now...

My.  Back.  Effing.  Hurts.

It had been hurting some before, and I actually had X-rays done the day before the accident.  Then after, I went straight to the doctor and they did more X-rays than I've ever had at one time.  They joked I should be glowing and instructed me not to try to get pregnant that night because I'd been exposed to so much radiation.  Awesome.

Anyways, they said my spine looked okay, but X-rays don't show anything with the discs.  Since the accident I've had more pain in my lumbar area and it's going down my legs a lot again.  I'm nervous.  My neck and middle back hurt now too, and I've got an appointment with my chiropractor this week.  Joy.  My poor car will need some doctoring too.  Not too bad, but I hate seeing it damaged like that.  We've been through a lot together.

I talked to my parents and they were all, "GET A LAWYER!  GET A LAWYER!  GET A LAWYER!"  They had a convincing argument, and even though I hadn't been planning on it, I got a lawyer.  I was nervous to because I've never needed one before other than to close on a house, but I'm glad I did now.  They were awesome and are going to handle everything.  Which is nice, because I had no idea where to start.

Oh how I hope this all goes smoothly.

New Developments

First thing first... I have a new nephew!  My youngest "sister" had her first child, a boy, a little over a week ago.  He is gorgeous, and she is so happy!  They live very far away, and I have no idea when I'll get to see them but I can't wait to meet him!

I also have a new little one, but of the four-legged and furry variety.  This is my new kitten...

She's about seven weeks old and all of two pounds.  She was found by a co-worker's boyfriend under the hood of a car that had been driven to his shop to get worked on.  Luckily the person lived just down the street, and the three kittens inside weren't hurt at all.  I fell in love with her as soon as I saw her picture.  I've sworn up and down over the years that I would never have another kitten, but here she is.  My first cat was a little hellion as a wee one, and I've had no desire to go through that again.  But I've now got him all grown up and a dog to play with her, so I think it'll be okay.  Plus she already has the sweetest disposition I think I've ever seen in a kitten, so that's on her side too, haha.

I had lunch with my ex-boyfriend's mother a little while ago, and apparently it freaked him the mess out.  Which I of course find hilarious.  She doesn't know that he cheated on me, and I guess he was afraid that I would tell her.  She told him about our lunch date a week before we actually met up, so he got to fret for a while.  He wanted to know all about it and texted me not even a few hours after the fact.  Of course I didn't tell her, but I do get a tiny bit of enjoyment from his freakout.

He's been texting me every so often, trying to remain friends.  He said the other day that he misses us (me and the pets) and thinks about us every day.  And that he knows how to ruin a good thing.  Of course I'm over thinking the fact that he said he misses us and not just me.  I know our pets were and still are a huge part of our lives, and he loves mine too.  But I'm wondering if he misses that part of the relationship, our life altogether, more than being with me.

Someone asked me out the other day.  Technically, he asked me to "hang out", but that's the same thing these days, right?  I hate dating.  He's currently out of town for work, but asked if I would be interested in meeting up with him when he gets back.  I said yes.  Not sure how I feel about it or him yet... I only met him once a couple of years ago.  But I guess it'll be good to get that first date back in the stupid game out of the way.  From all I've heard about him, he could be a really good guy, so who knows.

I'm still worried about my back.  It was feeling somewhat better, but this past weekend it started hurting really badly again.  But AF is in town, and it always hurts then, so I'll give it a little more time before I call the doc.  Oh, and I got the final bill for the endo surgery.  Yeah... I'm going to be paying medical debts for the rest of my life.  Le sigh.

Oh, and I totally forgot to mention that I got a new piercing about six weeks ago.  I'd been wanting a non-traditional ear piercing for a long time, but never could decide what.  Then one day I decided to do it and got my inner conch pierced.  I love it!

So, yeah.  Mostly good things lately.