Blah, blah, blah... funny video

This is the second Christmas season without the husband, and a much as I hate to say it, I still miss him.  I don't dwell on it most of the time anymore, but every now and then I do think about it.  He just got me, and the more time that passes, the more less likely it seems that I'll be able to find that with another person.  (Other than my ex-roommate turned best friend... she totally gets me, but it's just not quite the same, haha.)

Things with the boyfriend have been amazing lately, and I do love him, but it doesn't feel the same as it did with the ex-husband.  I know it's not supposed to, but there are several things that are missing.  I think one is that "can't live without you and don't even wanna think about trying" feeling.  I'm sad it's not there.  I thought it was in the beginning, but a lot of that was lust and also just really wanting to find the one and settle down so damn badly.

I think I'm just scared right now.  I'm in a relationship that is supposed to end in a few months, which is just weird.  He said the other night he wasn't sure he wants it to end.  Sometimes I do wonder if maybe we could be right for each other.  We've still got time, and maybe those feelings can develop.  But then again, if they were going to be there, shouldn't they already be by now?  I don't want to trick myself into believing they are just because I'm scared of starting over again.

I keep wanting to find a man that's totally right for me, but what if there isn't one?  What if I have him now and am blowing it?  I'm over thinking things right now, geez.  In my heart I feel I will find the one I'm meant to be with, but obviously I do stress about it... occasionally.

Funny video about how I sometimes feel now and my fears for the future...