Sinking

So the other day I posted a "gag me with a spoon" reference on FB and my amazingly smart roommate to be figured out it was partially influenced by her lovey dovey post.  She felt bad and I felt bad and tonight we did this whole talk about it but dance around because we don't want to hurt each others' feelings and such thing.  I just messaged her because I can't let stuff go, and I still feel weird simply because, even if only briefly, we made each other feel bad.  We've never had something like that happen between us.  I guess it's only natural, but I don't like it.  Maybe because she's turned into my person and I don't want to lose her. 

I know you're not supposed to compare your life to others', but it really seems like she has it all.  She's confident and outgoing.  She has activities and hobbies she loves and pursues them daily.  She's social and friendly, and everyone loves her.  She loves the man she's with and they plan on spending the rest of their lives together.

I look at her and then I look at myself.  I'm depressed a lot and am too scared to pursue the few interests I'm not even sure I really have.  My social anxiety takes over a lot of my life and I don't know what to do about it.  I lost the man I wanted to spend my life with and can't imagine another one stepping up.  I feel like my life is just a big waste right now.  I feel so pathetic.

I hate feeling like this and don't know what to do to change it.  I feel like I'm sinking and can't get my breath.