When I was in Raleigh, my friend and I were talking about goals and dreams. She mentioned how back in high school she had what is now called a bucket list and how she realized she'd already done everything on it. She was kind of surprised, but I definitely wasn't. That's exactly who and how she was in her teenage years and early 20s... she went and accomplished anything she set her mind to. She said she now needs a new list, but she's not sure what to put on it just yet.
That got me thinking about how I've never really had such a list. Never really wanted one. I've just kinda be-bopped through life doing stuff here and there that would hopefully guide me towards accomplishing the only real thing I've wanted my entire life... to fall (and stay) in love and have children. I just want a family. I asked my friend if that meant I was unambitious. She replied that that was a huge goal in itself. I then wondered out loud why the thing you want the most is the hardest to get/accomplish. She had a simple reply... you'll appreciate it more. Yes, I know I will. But is all the shit you gotta go through to get there really necessary?
Is there really a reason for why things happen the way they do? Or does life just happen to suck sometimes as we search for our happiness? Is it all about the choices we make? How much of it is the random circumstances we have no control over?
My car is getting a lot of work done right now, and I'm thinking about all this in the waiting room... is that normal?
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
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