Syphilis

First, no, I don’t have it. Second, I’m not sure why, but I wanted to share this crazy story. I’m a little drunk right now and feeling sorry for myself. Maybe a funny story will lighten the mood? One day during my senior year of high school there was a blood drive. I signed up and went in. There was some guy in a creepy dog costume and he wanted to hug me. Not knowing who he was, I refused, but learned it was a friend and cautiously agreed to a semi-hug. Still creepy. They gave me a form to fill out. Recently being treated for rabies (yeah, that was fun) sent up a red flag for the blood drive personnel, but then they said it was long enough ago that my blood should be okay to donate. I received a letter a little while later telling me my blood type and that my blood was all good. That was the first time I donated.

The second was a few months later at a blood drive during my first few days at college. I was so nervous about college in general that I wasn’t eating much. That day I hadn’t eaten lunch before hand and went on in. They tied the rubber band around my arm and inserted the needle. Then they couldn’t figure out why the blood wasn’t flowing into the bag. Aha! They hadn’t untied the band! What do you know, it flowed nicely afterwards. Then it was off to the Honor’s College introduction to the library. Really? A library introduction? As thrilling as it was, it was all I could do not to pass out. No food + loss of blood = no good! I had to kneel and, of course, everyone stared. Great.

A month or so later I get a call from my mom saying I’d received some mail from the Red Cross. She didn’t know why, but something told her to open it. Stammering the whole time she informed me, “Honey, they tested your blood, and there’s something wrong.” At first I’m thinking, what the hell? I grew up in a poor county and never trusted the health department... I’d gotten a hepatitis shot there during the summer and I’m thinking they gave me HIV or something. “Honey, it says you might have syphilis!” I started laughing immediately, as I was still a virgin at that point.

“Mom, there’s no way.”

“Honey, it says here you tested positive.”

She then told me the Red Cross had run three tests. The first was positive, the second inconclusive, and the third negative. So, in the end, they decided I didn’t have syphilis, but I still wasn’t allowed to donate blood for a year. As it turned out the hepatitis vaccine had tainted my blood somehow and suggested syphilis.

I haven’t donated blood since.