I'm In

Into the study that is. I went back last week on the day before Thanksgiving (crazy traffic!), and my drug test came back negative (I was too paranoid to take anything, even cold medicine or ibuprofen, that whole week before), so I’m in. I went back yesterday for my first real study appointment.

I had to fast for it. My appointment was at one, but they didn’t do the physical and everything that goes with it until around three thirty. I’m not one to miss meals often so I was HUNGRY! Afterwards they gave me a tiny bag of chips and a Coke.

The rest of the appointment was rough. I did a phone interview with an automated dude on the other end about suicide. I talked to two very nice ladies, with a third observing, for a couple of hours and had to answer some very personal questions about a lot of aspects of my mental state that I normally wouldn’t ever discuss with anyone. I cried whenever the questions hit on an extra sensitive subject. It was really awkward discussing all these personal things with complete strangers just staring at me. I felt like they were judging me, but I guess that’s their job. It was all really embarrassing.

But it was worth it. I was given study drugs and I started taking them last night. I hope they help. So now I have a standing appointment once a week for a few weeks, then every two weeks until the three month mark when the study is over.

They decided since I’m not a druggie in one sense they can give me drugs of another kind. I just think that’s funny.