Weird Friday Night

I recently read an article about endo written by Dr. Cook, and a couple of things he said really got me thinking.

"It is not uncommon for... cyclic pain that can exceed the level of pain patients experience after major surgery."
I've never had major surgery, so I don't know about recovery pain.  I do know how debilitating my cramps can be, and it just seems crazy that they could be so similar.  Before I started taking birth control I would be out of commission usually for a day or two, and I'd fight to make it to school and/or work the next few days.  I remember the waves of pain, and how all I could do was try to relax and go with it, as trying to resist them only made it worse.  I remember being at work one day and having to sit down in the middle of the floor because I couldn't stay standing or make it to a chair.

"Grinding fatigue as severe as that experienced with advanced cancer is present in most cases."
I feel like I've been tired pretty much my whole life.  Many people have commented about my almost constant lack of energy, and I always felt weird because of it.  Could it have been because of the endo this whole time?  Tired = emotionally drained = overly sensitive = argh!  And combined with the drowsy side effect of the happy pills, I feel like a freakin zombie lately.

"Feeling like a vibrant desirable woman is long since gone. Acting like the loving compassionate woman, mother and partner that she truly is becomes more and more difficult. The stress on family relationships is common and real."

Especially the end part there.  It has definitely taken a toll on relationships - familial, friendly and romantic.  Going with the latter... I'm always paranoid during sex because I'm constantly spotting.  Oh, and the pain from sex itself is a constant threat to intimacy.  Both make a man lose it faster than he could fall asleep after he's done... if we even make it that far.

And on a different note... I sold my wedding dress today.  To a coworker.  I get to attend her wedding and watch her walk down the isle in my dress.  Was that really the best decision?  She did look beautiful though and she absolutely loved the dress.  Time to move on.