I don't handle stress well. Or I should say, my stomach doesn't. Butterflies and dragonflies and big ol' chunky beetles flying around and crashing into things in there. That's a weird visual, huh? That's what it feels like though, and it's all from work. The tension just hangs in the air and taints the winds of change that may soon be blowing through. I don't like it.
The thing is though... it will be really good for me should it all go down as it's looking like it will. I may be getting a huge promotion in the next few months. My boss has seriously pissed off the big boss man, and vice versa. She's looking for a new job, and I've heard through the grapevine that he wants me to take her position. I've been there forever and know the place inside and out. When it comes to the day to day operation, I'm the go to person.
But I'm terrified that I would be a horrible manager. I hate being the one in charge of anything. I'm just not that Type A person who enjoys that stuff. I don't handle ticked off clients well at all. I can't even imagine myself doing the hiring and firing. I take things personally and can't leave the stresses of the day at the office. Even just the thought that she may quit and this might happen sometime in the near future is haunting me when I'm trying to sleep.
It's weird, but I think part of it is because I never wanted that huge amount of responsibility at work. Don't get me wrong, I am not a slacker. I'm a very hard worker and give my all when I'm there... but I do my job and go home each night not worrying about the future of the business. And I like it like that.
I've said it before, and it really is the truth... I never wanted a career. I just wanted to be a stay at home mom and to raise my family. Maybe that's lack of ambition, but what better thing to do with your life than have children? It's all I've ever really wanted. I never planned for something like this. I've been perfectly happy just being assistant manager until my dream could happen and never really wanted more professionally.
This scares the shit out of me. I'm scared I'll do a bad job and get fired, then where the hell will I be? I don't think it would happen like that. I like to think I would rise to the occasion and adapt, but in reality, would I? The manager before the current one didn't do a great job, and when she wanted to come back after she had a couple of kids, she wasn't wanted in any capacity.
I've just gotta chill the eff out. Who knows if any of this will even happen? I think about things way too much, but even when I manage not to for awhile, my stomach remembers. Grrr....
singing of beautiful and impossible things,
of things that are lovely and that never happen,
of things that are not and that should be." -Oscar Wilde
I really don't like being in charge, I freeze up. I love little kids, and dream of being a stay-at-home mom, but even with that I don't like watching kids that are strangers to me. Everyone thinks I'd be a great teacher, but I don't know what is expected of me. I fear the kids will hate me, or the parents might get upset with me for something... I don't think I'll ever be a teacher, unless it's for my own kids. Anyway... Maybe if the position is offered to you, you can turn it down? Hoping it all works out!
ReplyDeleteThanks! I honestly don't know what I would do. I could really use the extra money, but I don't know if it would be worth the extra stress.
DeleteIt's normal to be afraid of taking on new challenges, especially ones you never planned for. But if they approach you for the position it's because they believe in you, which should give you some reassurance. It sounds like you already know at least half of the job, if not more, anyway! And remember that if after 6 months to a year you hate the position there is no shame in approaching the boss and telling them that you really feel like you were a better employee as an assistant manager and you think someone else would serve the company better as the manager. That lets them know you still want to work with them and have the best interests of the company in mind. And it gives you plenty of time to get into the new routines, find your own way to deal with personnel challenges and basically find your feet. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! That does sound like a very good idea. I do feel appreciated there, which is nice. I just get so nervous!
DeleteThe fact that you are so aware of your managerial strengths/weaknesses speaks volumes about the fact that you would make a great manager!
ReplyDeleteI understand what you're saying about not knowing if you'd want to deal with all the extra stress when your dream has never been to be a career woman. I got thrown into running my husband's family's business. It's rewarding and I do a good job, but it's not the job (of mommy) that I've always wanted.
Definitely not quite what I had in mind, but I guess we'll see. Thanks!
DeleteI think it's pretty normal to be worried about/afraid of new challenges - especially with work, because it could turn out wonderfully or very badly and no one wants to lose their livelihood. Hopefully if/when this is proposed to you, you have the option to respectfully decline if you truly don't want it. But don't let fear or worry stop you from taking a chance, because it could turn out to the the best thing you can do for yourself! Good luck! Here via ICLW.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
DeleteJust because the bigger boss is pissed off does not necessarily imply that you boss is getting laid off any soon. And if your boss is looking for another opening does not really mean that she will switch to the next thing she finds. Grapevines are good, but they also add to worry.
ReplyDeleteI hear you on work. I often reel under the work-pressure thing, and work/life balance is not my forte.
I think you shouldn't plan too much. And it's okay to not have too much ambition too. You must enjoy what you are doing, or it's not worth doing.
Good Luck with everything!
Thank you! You're absolutely right. I worry way too much. I look ahead so I have some time to think about things. I don't like to be taken by surprise. I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it.
DeleteMy thoughts on this, My husband is like you, he did the being the boss thing and was MISERABLE. He just doesn't like it at all. So he stopped. And that is okay. In life we have to do the job that keeps us happiest, don't be the boss just for money, or power. Just say no, or try it out if the opportunity comes and step down if you don't like it. Take a deep breath! You just might rock being the boss! :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks :) Definitely need to do what makes us happiest!
DeleteI can relate. I had a similar experience in my own career when my boss resigned. Everyone had me slated as the next logical person to fill the role. Being young and naive at the time, and very tempted by the pay increase since it was a job in the non-profit field, I accepted. It was the longest three years of my life. I realized after leaving and taking a new job that I do better when I only have to worry about my own work performance, not the performance of others. I hope it all works out for you. The fact that you're already thinking of the challenges, though, speaks to why they find you a desirable candidate.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much!
Delete