Off

All week I've been kinda off.  Not my usual self.  I've been hurting a lot since the EndoMarch and I'm wondering if that's contributing to it.  About halfway through the Call to Action ceremony my left ovary and sciatic nerve started throbbing and didn't stop for... well, tomorrow will be a week, and it's still on and off.  I'm guessing it was from all the extra walking and spending four to five hours in frigid weather.  They've both been hurting a little every day for the past few months, but it's just ridiculous now!  And terribly aggravating.  The trip back from DC was torturous.

I went back to work Monday and found several changes had taken place last week.  Shit always seems to go down whenever I go on vacation, and I just don't get why.  It's always fun to try to guess what I'll be walking back into.  This time it could lead to some really serious changes which could affect my future there.  I think that's adding to the stress.

This past weekend the boyfriend and I got into a... I don't even know what to call it.  It wasn't a fight, wasn't really a misunderstanding.  He called me out on a sore subject, and the way he did it really hurt my feelings.  It all made me wonder about our future, and I hate that.  I hate that I can't let myself fully let go in a relationship now and have that feeling that no matter what is said or done, that we'll get through it.  Maybe that's always going to be how it is for me now.  Maybe doing so back then was just me being naive.  Either way, I miss that feeling.  He and I are fine now, but I'm always off for a bit after incidents like that.

All of these plus some other small things from my trip last week, I think, are contributing to my unease lately.  I've got that nervous, queasy feeling all the time and I don't know how to shake it.  I've always had a nervous stomach and I hate when stress and apprehension manifest themselves in that way.  I could use another vacation just to chill the eff out.