Watch out... she's on the drugs!

So it's been three weeks since I started back on birth control. I'm on the generic for Seasonale, so we're aiming for four periods a year. I was in a medical study for Yaz a few years ago that was trying to determine if it could be used and marketed like Seasonale. I don't know whether Yaz just doesn't work like that or if it just didn't for me, but I never made it three months without a period.

Now I'm back wondering if I can use a birth control like this. I've been spotting for nine days now. I know you can have breakthrough bleeding, especially during the first month or two, but I don't know if it's my body getting used to it or if it's what's at the back of my pachingo still causing problems. I can tell you that I'm definitely having other side effects! My (.)(.)s [boobs... always thought that was an awesome "emoticon" for them] hurt like hell!! This better wear off soon, because I don't think I can take it much longer!

The crazy's coming back too, I can feel it. It's like a switch is flipped, it's that instant. Poor husband... it's been mostly switched on him lately. Something inside just takes over and I can't get control back to try to get over whatever is making me upset. I think the worst part is knowing that I should not be as upset as I am, but I can't do a damn thing about it. I can be like that even off of the pill, but it seems to be exacerbated when on it. I don't have the best self-esteem and I think that mixes with my social anxiety to make me one nervous person.

I've been searching for a job here, but I'm terrified that when (hopefully) I get one I won't be able to control my emotions. Sometimes all it takes is someone looking at me the wrong way or having a certain tone in their voice, and the switch is flipped! I hold back the tears for as long as I can, but they always eventually come, and that makes me feel like a failure as an adult. I'm 27... I shouldn't be like that. Back home in NC I was at the same job for seven years, and my co-workers got used to me being so sensitive. But when it happened in front of a client, I was humiliated. I'm so scared about it happening again.