No More Balloons

I feel like a really terrible person sometimes.  Just in one particular situation.  At other times I'm fine with it.  It's got to end though.  It's not who I am and it's not going to get me anywhere.  It's a temporary fix at best.  I feel like it could bring me really bad karma if it hasn't already.  Time to be done with it.

Waiting to switch the laundry so I can go to bed...

Bummin a little tonight.  Went to one of those host in your home parties with demonstrations and then the selling of stuff.  It was less than stellar.  Good food and wine, but also anxiety and self-seclusion.  I hate how I can physically feel it work its way over my whole body.

Now I'm home with no roommate, and I'm lonely.  I'm giving stupid eHarmony a shot again.  It's discouraging.  At least seven new matches daily, and not a one of them seems like a possibility.

There have been three guys on my mind lately.  One is now off-limits, one is now a friend without benefits, and one is my ex-husband.  The first still flirts and makes it so hard to continually say no.  The second is still as strange as ever.  And the third... well, we've been in contact a good amount lately, and I'm starting to miss him a lot again.

My realtor friend hooked me up with their lender who is supposed to be freakin awesome at getting people approved.  She didn't say no, but she did say it might be tricky.  I haven't heard from her since yesterday.  I'm hoping that means she's working her magic.  Oh yeah, found out my credit score is also freakin awesome.  That's gotta count for something, right?

Got an addition to my back tattoo last night.  Already ready to add some more.

Hurry up, washing machine!  I'm tired!

Movin' On Up (Trying To)

I fell in love this past weekend.  With a house.  With this house...

Isn't it purdy?!  It's a foreclosure and is a steal for the price.  It does need some work, but it would be fun fixing it up.  It's a no go though.  I applied for a pre-approval and was denied.  Debt to income ratio is too high.  Bah.

I've got a plan though.  I mentioned the plan a little while ago but never got the ball rolling with it.  Now that I have something tangible in mind now, I feel more motivated.  That house will probably be gone by the time I'm ready to buy, but there are quite a few in town that are just what I'm looking for.  I used to work with a girl who is also a realtor, and she's going to help me find the perfect one.  I can't wait!

Birthday and V-day

I turned 29 Sunday! I enjoyed it so much I think I just may turn 29 again next year. And maybe the year after that, haha. This is the gift from my parents, my new baby...

I love her!  Anyways, had a great weekend.  Went up to Raleigh on Friday and hung out with friends.  We had a fabulous time, and I came back Sunday to a wonderful dinner with the parents.  There was lots of cake.

I have a date tonight!  A friend at work and I are both single, so we decided to be each others' Valentine.  She's getting me flowers, and I got her her favorite chocolate.  We're going to see a sappy movie tonight.  Should be a nice evening.  Hoping it'll take my mind off the fact that I was proposed to four years ago today.  I had totally forgotten about that fact until last night, and now it keeps running through my mind.  It was such a nice proposal.

The ex and I have been friendly lately. Just through email and FB, but it's been very nice. I feel like I'm getting the closure I've needed.  I'm glad we're talking again and are becoming friends.  His dad even sent me a friend request again.  I wasn't sure how to take that and a few things he said, but I'm choosing to believe it's all in good nature.

♪ The world spins madly on... ♫

I'm gonna punch my ear in the face, if that's possible.  Stupid vertigo has been going on for three days now.  My left ear's been fuzzy, so I'm blaming it for all the work I've missed.  I just went to the doctor for the first time in years last month for the flu, and I refuse to go again this soon after.  Can't really afford it anyway, so I'm hoping it'll clear up soon.  Had it once last year, and it went away after a few days.  Strangely it disappeared the day AF arrived last time, so I thought they might be connected.  I started to feel better last night, and AF arrived today, so I was thinking I was good.  Wrong!  Came back with a freakin vengeance this afternoon.

I've got weekend birthday plans, dammit!!  I've got mini road trips to take and friends to see... tomorrow!  You'd better be gone by tomorrow, or else!!  I have nothing to back that threat up with, but I'll be pretty pissed.  I really want to be able to drive and sing really loud in the car tomorrow.  I want to chillax this weekend.  Do people still say "chillax"?

A Calm Morning

As much as I miss the physical contact, I now think the boy and I really are better at being just friends.  The conversation flows more easily, and we're more open about things.  We actually fell asleep talking the other night.  The next day was his birthday, and I decked out his house after he went to work that morning.  Then he invited me over for a movie the next night.  It's been good.

Been emailing a little with the ex.  Just polite conversation about the dogs and life, but it's been kinda nice.  I keep going back and forth about whether I want to try to open the lines of communication between us more.  I don't know if he'd even want that, but I feel like I may be emotionally more ready for it than I was before.  Maybe.

Not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I've started knitting.  Awesome roommate taught me how a few weeks ago, and I'm hooked.  Sounds boring, but it's so calming.  I'm starting easy with a scarf.  Some days at work, I can't wait to just go home, turn on some tunes and knit.  I get to be lost in thought or just zone out if I want.

Life is good right now.

New and Old

Trying out this mobile app, so please bear with me...

I think things with the boy have run their course, and we're back to being strictly friends. No more benefiting. I'm actually feeling kinda glad about it. He helped me through the rough parts, and I feel more confident now. I feel like that "need" to have someone there isn't as strong. I'm not hiding behind whatever it was we had and am more open to a real relationship if someone should come along. If it doesn't happen for awhile, that's okay. I have great friends and family all around and there for me. And a vibrator... it'll take care of the rest.

"Come Back"

I think I'm making more progress with getting over the ex.  Maybe.  I don't think about him as much, and when I do I don't dwell on it.  I don't think of the bad stuff as much.  Certain songs don't get to me as much as they used to.  Several people have mentioned how much better I seem to be doing.

I did crack a little last night though.  I spent a rather underwhelming dinner and a movie evening with the boy.  No touching or affection of any kind, and I took my cue and left when he announced it was his bed time right after the movie.  As I was driving away I kept wishing he would have asked me to stay the night.  It reminded me of when I left MS after packing all my stuff up.  As I drove farther and farther down the road all I wanted in the whole world was to get a text with the words "Come back".  I held out hope for a good hour as I drove east, but it never came.

I heard a saying recently... "You can't start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading the last one."  I'm so, so ready to turn that page.  Almost there.

I don't think I'm going to be the one to try to make plans with the boy for awhile.  I want to see if he still actually likes hanging out with me enough to call or if he's just not cutting the strings because he wants to keep having sex.  Or if he even calls at all.  Wow, I sound pathetic.  At times I feel it too, but usually not.  I know I'm not ready for an actual relationship yet.  But I like being physical with someone when I can, and I'd rather have an on/off thing with the boy than nothing at all.  I look forward to the day I'm ready for and find the whole package.

Bullet Points

I'm pretty excited right now!  Got my taxes done last night and am getting a good chunk of change back.  Enough to pay most of my car loan off so I'll only have a few more payments before it's totally mine.  Once that's done, I can put more towards my credit card and actually make some progress with it.  Then I can start saving for a down payment because...

I'm really considering buying a house again now.  The more I think about it, the more sense it makes.  This town is home, and I have no desire to move again any time soon.  My last mortgage was cheaper than what I'm paying for rent now, plus I can get approved for more than I did last time because I'm making more.  Not a whole lot, but every little bit helps.

I'm seeing the boy tonight for the first time in a couple of weeks I think.  I got the flu, then we both got busy and tonight is the first we'll be hanging out in what seems like a really long time.  I've kinda missed him.  It should be a mellow night... Chinese and a movie at his place.  My pachingo feels sorta broken right now, so nothing along those lines will be happening.  Thanks endo.

Work's been going fantastically.  My boss has been gone for a little while, and I've been holding the fort down.  I love how I know almost everything about that business.  I certainly should by now... started working there nine freakin years ago.  I was walking around last week, and it hit me how much I enjoy my job.  The people can be trying at times, but for the most part we're all simpatico.  Most of our clients are "regulars" and seem to appreciate that we know them and their pets so well.  Plus I get to love on their pets all day, and what's better than that?

Gotta go get ready for all that puppy lovin now.  :)