Puppy?

Wow!  It's been a really long time!  How have you been??  I've been up and down, as usual, but mostly up.  I'm moving in with my wonderful boyfriend in just three days!!  Got almost all my stuff packed up and am just waiting for Friday to come.

Almost got a new dog tonight!  He and I were relaxing on the couch when we heard a little thump.  We turned around to see the cutest dog lying outside the door and giving us the sweetest eyes.  We let him in and gave him a little food and water.  He couldn't have been more than 6-8 months old and was so well-behaved.  We all went back out on the back patio, and he just laid down at my feet and enjoyed the lovin'.  We stayed like that for a long time discussing what we should do.  Then he stirred and took off towards the woods.  He stopped at the edge and turned to look at us like he wanted to come back, but he was most likely just saying goodbye.  I looked out the back door the rest of the night and drove around the neighborhood a few times before going back home.  I really wanted him.  Hopefully he has a family and is back with them right now.

How do you not piss off a teenager?

I pissed a co-worker off yesterday.  She's 17... that should about sum it up.  I called her out on the attitude she swears she doesn't have but that tends to come out every single day.  She's a sweet girl mostly, so I hadn't said anything for over a year and just couldn't hold it in anymore.  Everyone's usually all, "Oh, that's just her.  She's just a teenager."  The stuff she gets away with because of that!  Just because you're a teenager doesn't give you the right to disregard the simplest of common courtesy.  Especially at work.

I waited until no one was around, but I should have waited until I had calmed down some more.  I came off more confrontational than I should have and probably could have been more effective had I not been.  I'm never like that, and it bothered me all night.  I'm not sure if I was upset because I hurt her feelings or if I was upset with myself for getting that way.  I'm trying to let it go now.  What's done is done, and I can't change it.  Maybe we can both learn from it.

On a lighter note, the boyfriend met the parents last weekend.  He was really nervous and quiet, but they liked him a lot.  I met his mother the weekend before that, which also went pretty well.  She seems like a sweet lady.  He and I are still pretty stoked to be moving in together.  I'm over at his place pretty much all the time anyway, and I hate leaving every night.  I really miss spending time with my pets too, so two birds, one stone.  He's excited to be having a dog again and has all sorts of walking plans.

Come on end of the month!  Wow... moving in three weeks.  I really should start packing.

Good and Bad

A quote from Marilyn Monroe (who also had endo) keeps running through my head.  It goes, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."  It's so very true.  People will come and go from your life, but those that stick around for the hard times truly do care and want to be there throughout it.  The boyfriend got a glimpse of me at my worst and didn't run or freak out.  He was calm and collected and realized that it's just one part of me.  It's worth it stick around and get back to the good parts.  I think he's a keeper. :)

Oh, and we totally got the house!!

Crazy Girl

The boyfriend witnessed something yesterday that I'd hoped he wouldn't for at least a little while longer... he saw the crazy come out in me for a bit.  I got upset over something stupid, and it ruined the rest of my afternoon.  I was mad for not being able to just let it go, and it was a vicious cycle of frustration and being scared that it would scare him away.  He felt helpless because he didn't know what to say or do to help, and I told him that there wasn't really anything.  He asked what I was upset about, and I told him I didn't know, which by then was the truth.  I wasn't upset about any one specific thing anymore, it was just a snowball rolling down a hill getting bigger and bigger.

Then he said the perfect thing:  "I don't know what you're upset about, but if you're worried about me, you shouldn't.  I'm not going anywhere, and that's the last thing you should be worried about.  So I'm gonna give you some space to work out whatever you need to, but I'm still here."

I know that was part of it.  I was scared he would think it wasn't worth it putting up with my emotional spells.  But he took it in stride and reassured me that he wasn't going anywhere.  It was just the right thing.  So I cried a little more then was somehow able to pull myself together, and we had a very pleasant rest of the day.

In my defense though, I am PMS-ing rather a lot and I think that played a part in it.  I was pretty emotional at work today too.

Movin' On Up... again.

Things with the boyfriend are now speeding up very quickly.  If all goes as planned, we'll be moving in together next month.  My roommate is planning on moving, and I really don't want to try to find another roommate... not that I could find one as great as her anyways.  So I talked to him about it, and he's just as stoked as I am.  I do still worry that it's fast, but we spend just about every evening together anyways, so why not get a place together and not have to say goodbye almost every night?

Found a wonderful house today, and we're trying to arrange a time to meet with the rental people.  Could finally have a gas stove!  I've been cooking more since we got together, and I'm starting to get inspired to bake again.  Haven't really done any of that in over a year now.  Have yet to break in the new Kitchen Aid mixer... blasphemous!

You never stop loving somebody...

I'm crazy about this guy... the boyfriend, that is.  It's still weird calling him that.  But as much as I like him, I keep having tiny freak outs now and then.  I keep thinking "This isn't right!  He's not the ex.  I won't ever be as happy as I was with him."  But then I think, "No, he's not the ex.  The ex did you wrong, is gone and isn't coming back.  You really like this guy, and he really likes you.  Appreciate how wonderful that is and keep moving forward."

The saying "You never stop loving somebody, you just start loving somebody else" (quite possibly from a Big & Rich song?)... is it true?  Will I always carry around a little flame for my ex?  Does it ever really go away completely?

Now, different topic... What does dreaming you're trapped in a battleship during a tornado mean?  What about trying to start a fire, but it won't light, then it roars into a huge bonfire?  What about trying to take pictures, but the color doesn't show up?  What about almost being raped in my closet?  What about planting oak trees?  What about having a motel room where the dividing wall to the next room is only a curtain that doesn't really shut all the way?  I dreamed all these last night, plus a bunch more.  They were very strange.

An Auntie Again

My very best friend in the whole world is pregnant.  She texted me Monday asking me to call her after work, which she never does.  That got me wondering since I knew they'd been trying.  And sure enough.  They'd been trying maybe 8 months, and she'd been a little worried.  But what do you know?!  The very month she quit worrying about it, it happened and she's absolutely sure that had everything to do with it.  I doubt it.  Her sister said that when she got preggo too, so I'm sure that makes it true.  Yes, I'm a little jealous and was bitter, but I'm *mostly* over that now.  I sent her flowers like I did for her sister.  I love them and am very happy to have another niece/nephew on the way.  I guess it just brought up some old feelings.

But, on the bright side, things with the boyfriend are going crazy well.  I know it's early but I always do things fast in this department, and when I fall, it's fast and hard.  I could totally see myself making a life with this guy.

Going Steady

So that fish and I are now dating exclusively, and it's pretty awesome.  Every spare minute we have is spent together.  We take turns cooking for each other and actually went grocery shopping together yesterday.  It all feels so normal.  It feels right with him.  Made it "facebook official" today too.  Feels so teenager-ish, but feels nice too.

I know it's early and I'm definitely keeping a level head about it all, but I really hope things work out with him.  He's just what I've been looking for and would be a great father.  He even wants to have kids sooner rather than later since he's a bit older.  Fine by me!!  He knows about the endo and isn't freaked by any of it.  I told him some of the embarrassing parts of it, and he said how it's a part of me and that's what he's interested in.  How sweet.

Plus he totally knows what he's doing in the bedroom and isn't shy about it.  This is gonna be fun. ;)

I got a fish!

So that new guy I was talking about... we're totally hitting it off.  In fact, things have happened pretty fast.  We had our first date on Friday.  When it got really late and neither of us wanted to part, we ended up going back to his place for drinks, music and more getting to know each other.  After a while he made his move, and we were making out like crazy.  I ended up staying the night and it was so nice.  Didn't have sex, but we cuddled all night.  We stayed in bed for almost two hours the next morning just talking.  Then he made me coffee.  Last night we went out for dinner again then back to his place for a couple of movies.  It was pretty awesome.

I really like this guy.  We have many of the same views and agree on a lot.  And how about he lives right across the street from my parents, which also happens to be about two minutes down the road from me?!  Craziness.

The only thing that bothers me is how fast we're moving.  I really wasn't expecting to feel so comfortable with him so quickly.  It also scares me that I'm not totally over my ex.  I really don't want to hurt this guy.