My "Wife" and "Husband"

The roommate and I were joking around yesterday with another one of our fake marriage fights.  This one was, "The driveway is just as much yours as it is mine and I'm tired of you parking on the road!  Park in the damn driveway, woman!"  It was awesome.  Anyways, our fake fight ended with her "sobbing", "Okay, okay.  I don't want a divorce!"

That word, divorce, unexpectedly hit me hard.  My face dropped and my heart sank.  All I could think was, I'm about to be divorced.  I didn't want a divorce.  I'm married.  I have a husband.  Here I am in this totally different life now, and I have a husband who I still love (for the life of me, don't know why) living his own different life with someone else.  The reality of it all kinda hit me again.

I thought we'd be officially divorced by now.  The paperwork was filed in early June, and in Mississippi there's only a 60-day waiting period, so I thought this whole thing would be over in early August.  I started looking for the paperwork to be in the mailbox around then, although I don't even know if that's how it works.  Will I get a call from his lawyer?  Official messenger? 

I don't really identify with my married name anymore, and it feels weird signing and saying it still.  Although I don't really identify with my maiden name anymore either.  Maybe I'll go down to just my first name, like Prince.  Worked for him.