Toy Story

Just a warning... I'm getting very personal... about gettin' busy... with myself.  I've written about sex before, but not sex toys.  Here we go!

I used to have a bunch of toys.  Different shapes, sizes, materials, uses.  I obtained them before meeting the husband, before being devirginized, and before even hearing of (forget being diagnosed with) endometriosis.  I enjoyed the vibrators, obviously, but not so much the penetration-oriented ones.  Never could get one in without intense pain.  I could stick a big ol' tampon up in there, but forget the actual fake penis thing.  (Yes, they're different, but similar concept.)  Not sure what the whole hymen situation was back then, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't much to speak of after allllll those years.

Anyways, after I was officially deflowered by an actual penis, the toys felt a little better.  But still not great.  They went in a lot easier, but they weren't really anything special.  They ended up not getting used much after I got hitched, so they were all discretely disposed of.

Now, I've never really discussed toys with friends or done any interwebz research, so I don't know if they're really supposed to create an orgasmic experience on their own anyway.  I keep wondering though, like everything else, if maybe it's just me.  Maybe they just don't feel great to me.  I have talked to friends about their experience with sex itself and how it feels for them.  None have endo, and I WANT TO FREAKIN SCREAM!!!  Sex for normal people must be absolutely fantastic.  They use words like awakening, mind blowing, life altering.  I WANT IT TO BE LIKE THAT!!!

Anyways, back to the toys... I recently got my first glass one.  "Cleverly curved for g-spot stimulation" with an attachable 10-function bullet.  Waited a few days for the roommate to start a multi-day work shift because it was supposed to be a little loud, and finally got to try it out yesterday.  The bullet was freakin fantastic.  The actual glass... not so much.  Given, nothing resembling anything phallic has been anywhere near me, much less inside me, for about six months now.  It's possible I may have tightened right on up a little over the past half of a freakin year, but this thing really isn't very large in diameter (chosen purposely to "ease" my way back into the swing of things).

I made sure I took my time, played a little and was good and "ready" beforehand.  It got where it was intended to go, but it really didn't feel that great.  It hurt.  I couldn't even tolerate it that long, and here I am still in pain the next day.  Just like after actual sex.  How the hell am I supposed to have actual sex with a real live human man ever again without sending him running for the hills?!?!  GAAAAHH!!!!!