My Day Off

I miss my old doctor.  I went to see a new gyno yesterday for the yearly fun stuff.  It still absolutely amazes me how I let a total stranger stick her fingers and other things up in places that I'm terrified to let a new man go.  I'm not sure I like her either.  I told her how endo was found all up in there this time last year and to please keep an eye out for it.  She immediately spit out that a biopsy can't always tell you if it's endo and sometimes the only way to find out is when the uterus is completely removed and sent off for testing.  Really lady?!  Anyways, I got an RX for new birth control that's supposed to help with all the pain and spotting.

I really don't want to go back on the pill.  It's like another big ol slap in the face that my marriage is over and I won't be trying for a family anytime soon.  After each unsuccessful date I keep getting more and more insecure.  I really want to ask the husband what it was that changed for him so I can figure some things out with me.  He kept saying that he wasn't really sure and apologized for not having better answers, but I think he was just scared to hurt my feelings.  I wish he had talked to me.  I wish he felt he could.  I wish I had gotten on antidepressants a really long time ago.  On the other hand though, he didn't stick around when things were "for worse", so why do I keep wanting him?  Why can't I just let him go and move on?

I was a third wheel last night.  I'd forgotten just how much I hate being a third wheel.  The roomie and I had a sushi date, but she invited her boyfriend along.  At first I had absolutely no problem with that.  He's a good guy.  Then I remembered what it's like to be a freakin tag along.  I sat in the back seat while they flirted and he tried to discover the location of her newest tattoo.  A creepy old man kept trying to catch my eye at dinner, quite unsuccessfully.  Why do I always attract the creepy old men?  At least the sushi was good.