It's so weird being back here. I'm home, but I'm not. It doesn't completely feel like home anymore. The house looks different, feels different. He took down all our wedding pictures and any others I was in, which I totally expected he would have done, but it was still a shock to walk in and see so many bare walls. Like I'd nearly been erased.
Another tough moment was seeing that he wasn't wearing his wedding ring anymore. It makes complete sense... he doesn't want to be married anymore, so why would he keep wearing it? I'm still wearing mine though.
We slept apart last night... me in the bedroom, him on the couch. As he was getting ready for work today, I got up to let the dogs out, and in my sleepy morning haze I almost walked right up to him for a good morning hug and kiss as he sipped his coffee. Then I went back to bed, but not back to sleep as I felt another wave of total shock and denial wash over me.
He still looks like the man I love, acts and talks like the man I love. But he's not. He's different now. He doesn't belong to me anymore and there's nothing I can do about it.
The past few days and the entire drive down I felt so strong and confident that I'd be okay. Being here though just keeps reminding me that the life I knew, the life I wanted to have with him is gone.
My heart is breaking all over again.
Sending you lots of love and strength hun
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