So the packing went well. Stuffed it all in boxes and stuffed my car to the brim with all the breakables and things I'd rather the movers not mess with. The husband worked pretty much the whole time, but we hung out a little the last evening I was there. He made dinner and we watched a whole season of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia".
We got to talk some. I asked if he really wanted to be alone or just didn't want to be with me. He said it was the former, but I'm not sure. He said what he wants has changed... he's not ready for a family, wants to be alone and travel. I don't know if that's really the truth or not, but I'm trying to convince myself to believe it and let go of some of the blame I've put on myself. I initially felt better after we talked, but I'm back to over thinking it all.
I'm wondering now if almost the whole time we were trying to get pregnant, he wasn't happy. It makes sense. He was on board the first couple of months, but after that we rarely had good timing. I remember wondering if he was subconsciously sabotaging it... maybe it wasn't so subconscious after all.
He said he knows he should have spoken up a long time ago. I keep wondering if we'd be where we are now if he had.
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